Friday, February 27, 2009

It's All Equal

The results of the latest poll are in. Out of the many, many readers I have, one says they read because it's funny, one says they read because they are my friend, one says they read because they are my friend and it is funny, and one is bored.

I was hoping to get a definitive answer and not a complete split, but I have to take the results as they are. Maybe if more readers actually voted, I could get the answers that I seek. Whatever.

In real news, there will be no post for the weekend because I am leaving and doing other things. The Saturday post at the DCR will be up, so go look at that.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

It's Your Fault That I'm Not Funny

Dog Eat Doug 2/25/09 Most dogs just bite, so I'm impressed that they trained him to simply leave. And all animals have a place they can get to that you don't know about. Trust me, they do.

Red & Rover 2/25/09
Is it just me or do Rover and Doug look awfully similar?
And what's wrong with lime green nehru jackets? Doesn't everyone have one of those?
Frazz 2/25/09
Yes, subways are more disgusting than the fecal material on the floor. Stupid children.
And you would have to literally drop food in a pile of poo to get sick from eating it. The bacteria living on the kitchen floor are the same as the ones on the couch and in your bed.
Think about that while you try to sleep tonight.

Working Daze 2/25/09
Yeah, it's my fault that you snorted cocaine and injected steroids.
Unfortunately, this has become the standard answer when people are caught doing something they shouldn't be doing. Why does no one take responsibility for their actions anymore?

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Lazy Tuesday

I am lazy today so you only get two. You're lucky you get that many.

Herb & Jamaal 2/24/09If that's the first sign of getting old, then I've been old for 10 years already. That, I forgot what I was saying.

F-Minus 2/24/09
The boss must have had that toupee a long time if it was wearing thin. Or does he mean that the illusion is wearing thin? I guess we'll never know.

Monday, February 23, 2009

I Had My Post Longened

Cow and Boy 2/23/09 Power Zone? What does that mean exactly? Is he more powerful now? It sure seems like he is.

Also, longened is not what you would say, even if you were a cow. It's lengthened.

Stupid cow.

The Sunshine Club 2/23/09
Make a deal to do what? Make it so you can't afford the crappy medical care? It's not like they can kick you off the plan just because they merged. And I don't think that insurance and health care could ever merge since they are two different types of businesses. Plus the government wouldn't allow it.

Herb & Jamaal 2/23/09
Oh that Herb and Jamaal. They're always up on what's goin' down.
Seriously guys, we all know that movies cost an assload of money, but to think that theaters are going to give out loans when regular banks aren't is just stupid on a whole new level.

Secret Asian Man 2/23/09
That brings up a good question. Do they have sunscreen in Africa? The locals don't need it, so it wouldn't be in most stores. They might have it in the tourist type places, but it probably costs out the ass.

Monty 2/23/09
Wow, what a sexy dream to have. And Carrie from Mythbuster? Really? She's not really someone I'd have dreams about, you'd never know when she was going to try to blow you up(with explosives, asses)to test some myth about the dumbass that exploded after having sex.

Ferd'nand 2/23/09
That would be a sweet road to drive on. I wonder where it is. It would have to be somewhere with different physics than we have in this universe, since you would have to be upside down at some point on that road.

Herman 2/23/09
It's funny because he is unable to inflate the balloons on account of his tuberculosis. And now he can't afford the medicine because he can't inflate the balloons. It's a vicious cycle.

Graffiti 2/23/09
Actually, guy that does this "comic strip", all ideas are free. Every last one of them. It only costs money if you try to make the idea into reality.
Unless you do it on the internet. Everything's free on the internet.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Polling is Open

There is a new poll today, mostly because I am too lazy to do a real post. It is about why you visit and read this Blog.

That is all.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Ask Not What the Blog Can do for You, Ask What You Can do for the Blog

PC and Pixel 2/19/09
Where is this bank? In the Himalayas? If not, then it is the largest bank building in the world.

Luann 2/19/09
Did "Luann" just do an almost appearance of President Obama? And of course they went to bathroom humor.

Why is the President just walking around the Capital Building? Doesn't he have stuff to do in the "Luann" universe?

Family Tree 2/19/09
Ah, the battle cry of amateur environmentalists everywhere.

Hypocrisy is never funny, just ask Mallard Fillmore.

Alley Oop 2/19/09
Why is Ally Oop still celebrating the 75th year? If anything, the overlong celebration has made everyone question why it's still around.

And why does he have a suit on, but no shoes?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Have You Checked Your Twitter lately?

Non Sequitur 2/18/09
Soon this will be our fate. No longer will alcohol be the major addiction, it will be replaced by blogging and tweeting or whatever comes next. Do not weep for us, we know what we do is harmful, and yet we cannot stop.

Heh, yeah right, like you're going to get bloggers to come out of their houses.

The Lockhorns 2/18/09
"Because you've been poisoning every day of my life since we got married. I mean for Christ's sake, we play Clue instead of have sex!"
Spider-Man 2/17/09
Did Stan Lee fear a lawsuit if he had included "and I"?
I don't get the reboot of this. They have supposedly gone into the past, but there are some modern convenices that are out of place(cellphones that fit in your pocket are not from the '80's)and everyone looks the same age as before. Why couldn't they have had Peter and Mary-Jane get divorced? At least that would make it seem like a real story.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Poll Results

Well, it seems that half of my loyal readers think that Marmaduke is an Asshole. The other half don't like me as much as Joe Mathlete. But that's okay because I don't like me as much as Joe Mathlete, that guy's awesome.

Love and Murder

BC 2/17/09
Haha. See the one barrel swears when you hit it, that makes it crude.

Why does BC suck so much?

Arlo & Janis 2/17/09
Arlo is either horny or homicidal. At this point I can't blame him for either one.
Secret Asian Man 2/17/09
Well, this is perfectly timed. T-shirt Hell justed closed its doors so it makes sense that someone new would step in to fill the void.
Seriously though, I do hope someone steps up to try to compensate for the loss of one of our great internet institutions.

Thursday, February 12, 2009


Only one comic today, but it is a doozy. I realize that I just started a blog specifically for Marmaduke, but this requires more that one attempt.

Marmaduke 2/12/09
Why are they driving in a river? And couldn't they just open the other window so Marmaduke will go to that one? No one seems to be on the other side, so it seems like a good idea to me.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Annoying Bloggers Getting in the Way of Work?

In The Bleachers 2/11/09
Personally, I like Billy Mays. He's hilarious, I mean have you seen his beard? It has to be a spray or something.

They could stop with the Snuggie any time now. And Head-On. Those commercials are just dumb and annoying.

Real Life Adventures 2/11/09
Almost any expert will tell you that having a TV in the bedroom is bad. And this guy just lost out on some free sex just to watch Letterman. Clearly, he make poor decisions all the time.
Momma 2/11/09
Salami and soda pop? Are they trying to kill him?
After 89 years, I wouldn't expect a big party every birthday. Even if you spend $50 per time, which is pretty cheap, it comes to nearly $4500 for all those birthdays. That's some real cash.
Also, I have a new blog that focuses on just Marmaduke, since Joe Mathlete refuses to come out of retirement. I know that I can't be as good as he was, but someone has to try.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Sex, Murder, and Cannibalism

Graffiti 2/10/09
Hahaha! Get it? Cause they make your face look "better". And they get judged for how well they did. It's so insightful!

Why does this get published? Is it just so people have something to make fun of? Because we have lots of crap to make fun of.

Nancy 2/10/09
I ate more because I ate the rest of the pizza and washed it down with Bobby and had Annie for desert. Children are surprisingly delicious when cooked right.

Wizard of Id 2/10/09
There is no joke in this strip.
That's all I got for this one. I've looked at it for a while and can't find a joke or even a semblance of one. Unless it's that they killed the guy for no reason. I guess that's a serial killer.

Marmaduke 2/10/09

"And you know how he gets when I don't suck him off."

Come on, at least make it kind of difficult to make it sexual.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Got a Sandy Vag? Ride the Manatee!

The Dinette Set 2/9/09
Wow, I'm not even going to talk about the main punchline.

What the hell is a manatee ride? I know there are tons of ways to talk about sex without saying the word sex, but manatee ride? That doesn't sound pleasant at all.

Off the Mark 2/9/09

Why orange? Why not the other words that don't rhyme with anything? I could really use a rhyme for purple. It would complete my scheme to dominate the world. Bwhahaha!!

Marmaduke 2/9/09

Why does owner-lady look like she wants Marmaduke to jump on her? I mean, come on. Owner-man is right there. Unless the only way he can get off anymore is to watch his wife get pounded by the dog.

Wow, the Andersons are some sick bastards.

Secret Asian Man 2/9/09

Can I just say that I hate any show that purports to be reality when it clearly is not. Surviorman is a perfect example. This guy goes out in the wilderness with only his "wits" and survives on the land. The problem? There are obviously guys there filming and doing sound, meaning he is not alone and is not really in any danger of dying of exposure. And this shit is on the Discovery Channel. Argh!

Reality Check 2/9/09

I have nothing bad to say about this one. Just made me laugh and laugh.

That is all.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Why so Many Questions?

Heathcliff 2/6/09
Why are those shoes the same color as the banana? Why is his hair the same color as the shoes? And what is wrong with Heathcliff's foot? Has Gallagher ever taken an art class?

The answer to these questions will likely never be answered.

Frank & Earnest 2/6/09
The reason is because it is not in his program. It doesn't matter how much memory or storage you have, if it is not in the program it won't be executed. Why so stupid?
Moderately Confused 2/6/09
Is this a play on the economy sucking? If this is his red period, why are the ones in the background in black? Why can't comics just be straightforward?
I guess it's because the suck so much.

Marmaduke 2/6/09
What the hell kind of store is that? Does PetSmart carry electronics? Best Buy doesn't even like when you carry a bag in the store, so I don't think they would allow a dog in. I suppose it could be Circuit City, but then there wouldn't be a sales associate to help Owner-Man.
Oh and Marmaduke is an Asshole.
Why can't I quit you, Joe Mathlete?

Monday, February 2, 2009

Ultra-Mega Chic...I mean Post!!

I'm kind of making up for not posting for the last few days. Don't get overloaded, take a break if you need to. I don't want you guys actually busting a gut, I hear that hurts like hell.

Marmaduke 2/2/09Marmaduke is as asshole.

I miss you Joe Mathlete

Just kidding. Marmaduke likes to sexually assult several victims at the same time.

The Grizzwells 2/2/09
What about breadsticks is it that he doesn't understand? And what kind of friend is the bear to insult the porcupine in this manner? If I were the porcupine, I would slap the bear right in the face...with my ass, so he gets a face full of quills.

Drabble 2/2/09
Has any women used that line, ever? Why not just say "I'm busy, and you should go to hell" that would be much clearer.

Brevity 2/2/09
What about activity books would make a pencil anxious? The coloring? Maybe I'm just not smart enough to get the joke in this one.
OR there is no joke in this one.

Secret Asian Man 2/2/09
I agree, let's just say February. But I may not be the authority on this subject since I live in the Great White Way of Minnesota.
I don't think I've seen a black person for months.

That's Life 2/2/09
This one pisses me off. I don't know why, but it does. I've seen plenty of strips that have no jokes, but something about this just makes me angry. I think it's because it combines being stupid with making no sense and terrible art. Why does a food dish need to spin? And the food on the plate does not look edible at all.

Betty 2/2/09
So the kid and the father are mentally challenged and the mother is an asshole?
I can't be sure, but I don't think that ground pork is all that cheap.

Poll Results. I has Cheeseburger now!!

I can has Cheeseburger?
3 (75%)
1 (25%)
What are you talking about?
0 (0%)

Well, I guess that I get a Cheeseburger. That's awesome. Thanks for voting, I really like Cheeseburger.

New Poll sometime this week. And maybe new posts too, we'll see.