Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Day Two of the Comeback

What's all this? Two consecutive days with a post? The world must be ending. Or maybe I'm almost done moving. I sure hope it's the second one.

Enjoy these comics and enjoy my roasting of them even more.

Mallard Fillmore 5/27/09Mallard Fillmore is the most out of touch comic currently being printed.

Todd the Dinosaur 5/27/09First things first: you cannot fry jell-o. It just can't be done. Second things second: jell-o is good as long as it's not yellow. Fourth things third: just because something's on a stick does not mean it will taste good.

Also, she should just be glad that the big F-ing dinosaur isn't eating people on a stick.

The Amazing Spider-Man 5/27/09
I don't have a particular problem with this particular strip, other than its complete lack of story or action, but I do have to mention how retarded it is that they have gone back to Peter and MJ being married. It makes the last storyline, which may have lasted an eon or two, a dream and nothing in it actually happened. That pisses me off because the greatest character ever, in any form of media, appeared in the last storyline: Ultra-Pigeon. We can only hope that a new random animal makes an appearance.

Boomerangs 5/27/09As a former Target employee, I can verify that wearing red and khaki is a bad idea if you don't work at Target. Shopping after your shift is also very annoying because you can't just say that you don't work there because you do. It leads to a lot of extra work pointing shoppers to on-duty employees, which is probably exactly what Target wants.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

At Last, Another Post. In Which The Author Tries To Draw Attention To Himself

Hello there! I'm back, kind of anyway. I'm thinking that next week I can start doing the DCR full time, so I'll try to post here at least a couple times before then. Enjoy these crappy comics in the meantime.

Don't click on the Muhammad link unless you want to see a visualization of the Great Prophet.

Wee Pals 5/29/09Why is racism allowed in this comic? It's unacceptable to mention black and white in editorial comics, so why is it cool for this one to be so racist all the time? And the worst part is that it's not even funny.

Little Dog Lost 5/26/09
Yeah, it was so much better when we were just cutting down trees and draining swampland for no reason. All that green and fresh air makes me sick to my stomach.

This just proves the hypothesis that Moose are stupid.

Prickly City 5/26/09Is it taboo to show a picture of Former-President Bush like it is to show a picture of Muhammad? Has Bush become some kind of religious symbol? Or do Republicans just want everybody to forget about him?

Probably the latter.

Daddy's Home 5/26/09
As much as I hate to admit it, this is exactly how the male brain functions. We just complain about something until the woman does it for us. It's quite surprising how effective it is.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Men Are Assholes? What Else Is New?

More unexpected downtime means another post! Enjoy your brains out.

The Meaning of Lila 5/14/09
The Meaning of Lila
Hahaha. Oh man, I'll never get tired of "men are terrible people" jokes.

If men are all such assholes, why do women keep coming back? It makes them look kind of stupid. As a wise man once said, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Arlo & Janis 5/14/09
Arlo & Janis
If the squirrels in your neighborhood are that aggressive, it's just payback for being an asshole and feeding them for so many years.

F Minus 5/14/09
F Minus
It looks like he spent about $10 to make that suit and I don't know where you can get a $35 suit that isn't for a dog.

Nest Heads 5/14/09
Nest Heads
"It's got that prime pidgeon-feeding location that all the lonely weirdos are really looking for in a bench."

Herb & Jamaal 5/14/09
Herb and Jamaal
So instead of hating Herb she is giving him the sexy eyes?


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Just So You Know

I have some unanticiapted down time and I thought it would be nice to do a comics post. It will likely be at least a week before I can get another one in.

If you read the DCR, you heard that Bryce is going undercover or something and will be out of touch for awhile. Starting sometime late next week, I should be able to take over for him. I haven't heard anything from the other DCR writers so, as far as I know, I will be the interim head writer of the Daily Comics Review so look for me there.

If you would like to write for The Blog of comics and other stuff during my absence and think you have what it takes (computer, internet access, time, and a hatred of poor comedy) leave a comment or send a message to my email.

Anyway, on to the comics!

Wizard of Id 5/12/09
Is this some sort of dig at modern medicine's tendency to throw pills at everything? That seems too smart for Wizard of Id. Must just be a dead dog joke.

Secret Asian Man 5/12/09I bet he works for Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe.

Home and Away 5/12/09

Ignoring the problem is not a good strategy.

Especially with customers. Those bastards always want to know why their kid died after playing with your company's lead-based toys.

Ben 5/12/09
Are they really old or something? It seems to me that the first thing you would want to do with a woman when you're alone, especially if you are rarely alone together, would be to have some nasty sex.

Maybe that's just me.

9 Chickweed Lane 5/12/09
9 Chickweed Lane has been making 6 inch heel jokes for a long time now. I don't really get it, but that may be because I've never worn 6 inch heels. I prefer to think it's because I'm too smart for shoe humor.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The Devin's In The Details

An expected post today, hopefully it won't interfer with additional posts this week.

Nest Heads 5/5/09 Yes, we know, old people don't get how the internet works, you can stop now. If this is good enough to be printed in newspapers, then I should be a novelist.

Rudy Park 5/5/09
This must have been written right when they were having the 'protests'. It's a little behind the times, but still funny.

To any of the people that may have participated in the Tea Bagging: You are stupid. If you don't make more than $250,000 a year, your taxes are not being increased. Stop being mad about things that you don't effect you.

I could go on, but in the interest of keeping my rage under control, I will stop for now.

F Minus 5/5/09
Why wouldn't the Devil use his devilish powers to get the pizza? I mean, come on, it's the Devil.

Daddy's Home 5/5/09
I'm not married, so I don't know if this is how it really works. It doesn't seem like it is, but I have no way of knowing at this point.

Any readers that are married are welcome to comment and tell us if this is a real situation.

B.C. 5/5/09
Why is that humiliating? Many animals have horny tissues, including humans.

B.C. fails in this attempt to use word play appropriately. Which is not uncommon, B.C. usually fails at its attempts to make jokes.

9 Chickweed Lane 5/5/09
So she jumped out of her shoes and off a cliff? Am I getting that right? And if she jumped from such a great height, why is she worried about her dress flying up? I'd be more worried about, you know, having all my bones crushed. Maybe that's just me.

And before Slager(formerly KT) can say it: yes, those do not appear to be six inch heels.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Knees?! Really?

This week should yield 3 more posts. Next week . . . well, let's just say the outlook is poor.

The Grizzwells 5/4/09
I wasn't aware that the IRS collected flesh, I always though it was money. I don't think they would take a pound of flesh in place of money or people would be trying that every year.

Ferd'nand 5/4/09
What the hell is Ferd'nand trying to do here anyway? I'm pretty sure the shadow is going to win no matter how big or small it is. It's a shadow, it can't be hurt because it has no corporeal body. Stupid Ferd'nand, I guess not talking for 90 years or however long he's been mute, makes you dumb.

Daddy's Home 5/4/09
You probably have to click to make this one bigger.

Is there really a Tighty-Whitey brand of underwear? There should be. I know I'd invest, if I had any money.

9 Chickweed Lane 5/4/09
Forget the heels and why they might be diagonal in the first panel. My problem is that his favorite part was her knees. Who like knees? Is it just because you can't say breasts on the comic page? He could have at least said her neck was his favorite part. That makes more sense than her knees.

Maybe she gave him a knee-job. Although I don't know what a knee-job would consist of, it sounds terrible.

I sincerly hope there is no such thing as a knee-job.

Must Be Named After The Quarterback

Bradycardia - An abnormally slow heart rate.

Is there a medical word you would like to know the definition of? Leave a comment and try to stump me. I promise I'll try to define it without references and I'll let you know if I couldn't do it.