Fresh Meat

We have some new(er) comics to add to the list of unreadable, unfunny garbage. Today's first two comics are new to comics.com and, as usual, terrible. At least they are so far, we'll see if they get any better.


Little Dog Lost 4/2/09Yeah, don't yell anything at me from your coffin after you die and are unable to speak because you are no longer alive.

I hate when people say stupid things like that.



It's All About You 4/2/09
What if I sold my soul to the Devil? Then you'd be messing with his property and I don't think that's something you want.

Also, please don't punch me in the face. I don't care what you do to my soul, but leave my face alone.



Girls & Sports 4/2/09
Why is technology involved in . . . that word? Damn, I'm so manly that I can't even type it. I must have dropped an extra testicle recently.

Side Note: If I had dropped an extra testicle, I would have 5. That's right, I was born with 4 testicles.

Side Note to Side Note: I do not have extra testicles. I have the normal amount for a regular human.

Side Note to Side Note of Side Note: This has been an exercise to see how many times I could type testicle in reference to one comic. I think I did pretty good.



Family Tree 4/2/09
Sales people are stupid. People that believe sales people are really stupid. I'm not saying they're stupid all the time, they just made a stupid decision based on someone exploiting their emotions.



B.C. 4/2/09
His 'dignity' must be huge because that's one long throat.



Arlo & Janis 4/2/09
I don't understand what being a man has to do with shitting in the garden. Are a lot of guys shitting in their girlfriend's/wife's garden? If they are they should likely be arrested because that is indecent exposure, among other things.



Committed 4/2/09
Ha . . . ha . . . ha. What a clever joke about the fact that babies can't communicate. How mind-numbingly original. Wait, what's that thing that's the opposite of original? Because the definition of that word is this comic.

I am unable to come up with something clever today

Arlo &Janis 1/28/09

The next panel would be Janis in the kitchen,"Damn, I was so close this time. Well, maybe I'll put some antifreeze in his oatmeal in the morning, then it will all be mine! The purple cat-thing, the stupid kid that shows up occasionally, all mine, mwhahaha!"

"Wait, do I even want any of that stuff?"

Committed 1/28/09

I'm not really sure what this one is going for. Do people really plan more than a few weeks ahead? Sure, maybe a crazy motherfucker has his life planned out sixty years in advance, but since his day planner consists of him pissing in the snow, I don't think that counts.

Also, I'm pretty sure you don't get limbo and reincarnation. Those are from different religions. But I'm not an expert, anyone know for sure?

Also, I don't think you are reincarnated as plants, I'm pretty sure it's just animals. If you're bad you get to be a fly or something like that, not a fucking turnip. If you're good you get to go to stay human, but a better human. And if you're really good, you get to go to nirvana.

I mean really, if you're going to talk about that sort of thing in a comic that is seen by potentially tens of people, you should do your homework.

Ferd'nand 1/28/09

So who is the guy in the last two panels? If we assume that the guy in the blue robe is Ferd'nand, who is the guy in the orange robe? Is it Ferd'nand's clone? And why did he smash into that other guy? Ferd'nand was the one going really fast, not the orange robe guy. And that seems like it would be really serious, you know, since there is a broken leg involved. And what's wrong with the other guy? He doesn't seem to have any visible injury, is it something internal?

Well, it may not be funny, but you can't say Ferd'nand doesn't make you think.

Post Title Here

The Meaning of Lila 1/15/09Are any of those thing prerequsites for buying a woman a drink? I've never needed to answer any of those questions. I've been asked if I had a concussion or if I was insane, but never if I was employed or secretly attracted to some guy. And what's the deal with that last question? If he had said yes, then what? Would the guys end up having gay sex or something? I guess I'm just out of the loop.


Jump Start 1/15/09
Hm...I may not be an expert, but I don't think there's any way to keep people from cracking jokes about colonoscopies. They're just inherantly funny to everyone except the people they're performed on.


That's Life 1/15/09
How did he get fourth? He should be #1 all the way. Just look at him, if you had a statue of Elvis right next to him there is no way you could tell the difference.

But seriously, why is this a joke? There are contests all the time where someone is in the top 5 when they shouldn't be, it's only because no one cared to enter the contest. I recently won something because there were two prizes and I was one of two people to enter the contest. That doesn't make the situation funny. God, why do so many comics suck at their job?



Committed 1/15/09
I have lived in Minnesota my entire life and I have never seen anyone dressed in this manner. Maybe those pussies in New England or the Pacific Northwest over-dress, but not us here in the land of 10,000 lakes. I didn't even wear a jacket today(it was around -20 before windchill) and I didn't die or anything.

My main point is that MN=awesome, New England=pussies.

Just making sure you understand.