Friday, February 4, 2011

Still Here, Kinda

So I'm still here and have finally acquired a device that allows me to view the internet efficiently.  I don't know if I will return to the blogging world, but you'll be the first to know if I do.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Don't Call it a Comeback

I told you I wasn't done. You probably didn't believe me either. Well I showed you, didn't I?


Marmaduke 5/27/10
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The obedience school jokes were old 20 years ago.  Please find a new joke to overuse and ruin.

Also, that was a pretty quick call for audit.  Marmaduke's Owner-Man must have filed quite some time ago.  I suppose he is nothing if not a financial wizard, I mean he's been feeding a dog of monstrous size for 50 decades.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Not Done Yet

Just so you all know, I'm not dead or in a coma or kidnapped or anything like that.  Just going through some shit right now.  Probably will be for quite some time too.  I hope to get back on the horse by the end of the summer.  Until then, rememeber to read the DCR each and every day.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Good Dick

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Hold on, don't go yet, it's not what you think. There is no dick in this movie. Not even one. Although the story does revolve around a porn shop.

Or more specifically, a porn shop clerk. Or even more specifically, a porn shop clerk and a porn shop customer. The clerk, a dude, one day decides to go after the customer, a chick, while she's renting porn. She's clearly different from normal people, she never talks and rents porn pretty much every day. The guy lies and cheats his way into her building after stealing her address from the shop's computer and then lies to her to get into her apartment. Why does he do this? Well, apparently he loves her. Oh, and he lives in his car, maybe that has something to do with it.

It's apparent that she doesn't really appreciate his company, but she also doesn't force him to leave so it's unclear what is going on. It's also apparent that she has an odd relationship with sex. Has she watched too much porn? Was she assaulted? What's the deal?

Over the entire movie, the guy slowly grows the relationship with the girl until they're having dinner and watching porn together and even sleeping in the same bed, no sex though. It's really weird to watch because she continually pushes him away and insults him and he just keeps coming back. It becomes clear that she has had some kind of trauma in her life and we learn that the guy has had a sorted past, so maybe it's some kind of karmic fate that they are together.

Overall, Good Dick is really weird. It's awkward to see the guy try so hard to have a relationship with this girl that doesn't seem to want it. The way it works out is just plain weird. They end up together (surprise!) and presumably live happily ever after. It might have made more sense and been a better movie if it had ended differently, but I wasn't the one making the damn thing.


Good Dick receives:
3.3 out of 5
Watch Again? No
Recommend to friends? Only if your friends are weird

Big Fan

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Have you ever loved something so much that you thought about it every minute of every day? Something you might call yourself a fan of? And I'm not talking about your wife or your kids. It could be a comic book character, a videogame, or, much more often, a sports team.

Big Fan is the story of one such man, Paul, with a passion for his team, the New York Football Giants. He's so obsessed that he writes up little speeches for his favorite call-in radio show, where he develops a rivalry with an Eagles fan, while he works as a parking lot attendant. He lives with his mother, whom he regularly wakes when calling the radio show, because of his fanaticism for the Giants. He even goes to the stadium with is friend even though they don't can't afford tickets and don't have any other friends to tailgate with.

And Paul doesn't mind one bit. He's perfectly happy being, what most would call, a loser. At least until he sees his favorite Giants player and follows him to a club in downtown New York. It's a wonderfully awkward scene and I won't spoil if for you except to say that after the events of the night, Paul's life is thrown into turmoil. His hotshot brother, a lawyer with an utterly horrible commercial that he debuts for the family, wants to sue the player. His call-in show rival finds out about it and tortures Paul with the info(seriously, have you ever listened to those shows? Those guys are heartless). The cops are investigating and want Paul to snitch. All Paul wants is for his team to win. Or does he? Does he want justice or for the Giants to be at full strength?

The player gets suspended from the league anyway (that damn conduct rule) and the Giants need one win the make the playoffs, against the rival Eagles no less. Paul's radio rival is gloating about the Eagles upsetting the beloved Giants when Paul decides enough is enough. He goes to Philly and finds the sportsbar his rival talks about all the time and finds his rival, Phil. What happens next leads Paul to jail where we get one last scene. Paul and his friend talking about the just-released NFL schedule.


This is my first movie review and the ratings are as such: 1 to 5 with two questions: watch again and recommend to friends.

Big Fan receives:
4.3 out of 5
Watch again? Yes
Recommend to friends? Yes

Mixed Commentary

There's some serious-type stuff at the end. Skip if you don't want to get political.

Funky Winkerbean 3/22/10
funky winkerbean
Hooray for racist remarks made to someone that is the race you're being racist towards!

I know that the clever punchline is supposed to make everything cool, but there really is no need to ever say the phrase 'mixed marriage' unless it's 1950 again. Maybe you can get away with it if you are really old. Maybe. As long as you aren't talking to someone of a different race.



The Pajama Diaries 3/22/10
pajama diaries
A hematologist is a doctor that studies blood and conditions of the blood. Usually not a good thing to be talking to a hematologist.

Not sure what a JAK2 mutation is though. You'll have to look that up for yourself.



Luann 3/22/10
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Quill is a master of the subtle insult. The writer of the strip, however, is not.

Also, could they just have Luann and Quill get drunk and have stupid sex already? I'm tired of waiting for them to get nasty so we can move to a new story.



State of the Union 3/22/10
state of the union
Yeah, the country is doing so hot right now, any guesses as to why that might be? Think back to 2008, when that other guy was president. Remember how the financial system starting to go to shit all around us? How it was his administration that lead us from surplus to massive debt? How we went to war in a place where it was/is uncertain it was necessary? Remember all that shit we had to deal with? I do. So, yeah, I feel a bit better after 2009 than I did after the previous 7 years.

Why does everything political have to be so dumb? I think we should leave politics to the editorial cartoons. That goes for Doonesbury too, you Republican assholes that were thinking of being assholes.


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Tuesday Once Again

I was gone.

Now I'm back.

Here's some comics.



Bewley 3/16/10
bewley
I hope this is a rerun. But even if it is, what the hell? Isn't there an editor or something that checks for this kind of thing? Anybody at all to make sure this kind of thing doesn't happen?

Other than being out of place, it's not too terrible of a comic.



Brenda Starr 3/16/10
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Why can't he expose himself to corruption? That'd be way more fun.

And I'm pretty sure Solomon could solve this idiotic dilemma. He was smart, whereas this guy is dumb and tries to act smart by using phrases like 'existential question' when they don't really fit the conversation.



Bound and Gagged, Chuckle Bros 3/16/10
bound and gagged
chuckle bros
Is it Wizard of Oz day or something? An anniversary or birthday? Anything at all to justify 2 strips referencing it on the same day?

Even if it is some important day involving The Wizard of Oz, that's no excuse to phone it in like Chuckle Bros did. There isn't even a joke in there.



Eek! 3/16/10
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I hope this is a rerun from 1995. If it isn't, then /slamheadintowallrepeatedly.