Monday, December 28, 2009

People Are Horrible

And I'm back. Here's some comic strips that are stupid.

Girls & Sports 12/28/09
girls & sports
I guess that the message here is that single guys are picky assholes? The $100 one sounds fine to me. It gets you unlimited champagne and $100 is not that much if you get free alcohol. If you paid $50 but had to pay for your liquor you'd likely end up paying way more than $100 by the end of the night.

Luann 12/28/09
Small children are horrible people.

A small child that is single is possibly the worst type of person that there is.

Oh, wait. Children are always single. Nevermind

Off the Mark 12/28/09
off the mark
This is the first comic about Twitter that hasn't completely sucked. It still sucks, just not completely.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Bordering on Perfection

This is my first serious review of anything since March, so don't be surprised if I wander a bit.

Onto the review!

the gang

Some of you might recognize these lovable killers already, as Borderlands has been out for a couple of months. But as I don't have the resources or desire to buy each and every new game that comes out during this time of year, I'll be focusing on slightly older games for now.

The story in Borderlands is as simple as it could possibly be, you're a mercenary on a Pandora, an inhospitable desert of a world. You're there because of legends of a mysterious Vault that contains untold riches. You learn all of this information in what is basically the only cutscene in the entire game. The introduction is one of the best I have seen, the music, No Rest for the Wicked by Cage the Elephant, is perfect for the setting, a bus in which the driver is telling you about the vault.

When prompted to get off the bus you choose your character, Roland the Soldier, Mordecai the Hunter, Brick the Berserker, or Lilith the Siren. Each have different specialties and excel with different weapons. Brick is best with explosives and has the berserk ability which turns him into an unstoppable force that punches the crap out of everything. Roland is best with assault rifles and shotguns and can summon a turret that can be used for cover and upgraded to restore health and ammo. Mordecai is best with sniper rifles and revolvers and can use his pet Bloodwing to go after enemies behind cover. Lilith has no real advantage with any weapon type and her Phasewalk ability makes her invisible and extremely fast for short periods.

After you choose your character, you are introduced to the driving force behind the game's "story", the Angel. A mysterious character that helps those that seek the vault, she will guide you through the entire game. And that's pretty much the entire story. You'll meet some other people and do missions for them, but they don't really interact with you in a meaningful way.

But the beautiful thing about Borderlands is that it doesn't need a story. Even if there was nothing except missions handed out by a stick in the ground the game would still be fun as hell. You don't need an expansive tale of intrigue and deception to find joy in shooting stuff to see what it might drop. The comparisons to Diablo are 100% on the mark. If Diablo was set in a futuristic world with guns it would be called Borderlands. Granted that Diablo does have a bit more story, but it's still a background element to looting.

And looting is something that Borderlands does right. I think it might be even better than Diablo's looting system. Having played the game for many tens of hours, I have yet to see the same gun twice except for special drops from certain bosses. There are several different types of guns: repeater pistols, revolvers, combat rifles, machine guns, submachine guns, sniper rifles, rocket launchers, and alien guns. Assault rifles and machine guns fit into one category but they are different, assault rifles have smaller magazines and are generally more accurate while machine guns have large magazine and faster fire rates but sacrifice accuracy. And there's more too: each gun can have different elemental effects: fire, shock, corrosive, and explosive. Each element is suited to a specific task. Shock takes down shields, corrosive eats away armor, etc. And if, or rather, when you find a super-rare there will probably be a funny little sentence that makes reference to a piece of pop culture. But it's not only there for fun, that flavor text gives you a hint of what special powers the gun might hold, be it regenerating ammo or increasing the magazine size to ridiculous proportions to always immolating your enemies.

But besides weapons, Borderlands has RPG-lite offerings too. As with Diablo, each character has three skill trees. Each character has a tree that effects their action skill, e.i. Roland's turret, Mordecai's Bloodwing, etc. and can specialize in two other areas. Roland can improve his damage delt or he can become a field medic utilizing the much talking about healing bullets. The game works out so that you can't get to the top skill in all three trees by having a level cap of 50. You don't start getting skill points until level 5 when you unlock your action skill. This wouldn't be a problem except that once you have completed the game you can start Playthrough 2 with your acquired skills, guns, and money and harder enemies. If you want to get some of the better items you will have keep playing, but you'll probably get to the cap not long after starting Playthrough 2 leaving you to play through the rest of the game with almost no real gain except the chance of finding a better weapon. I hope that with one of the downloadable add-ons the cap is raised.

What is there besides looting and lite skill building you ask? Simply put, Boss Fights. The regular enemies don't usually pose much of a challenge as long as you haven't strayed too far from where you're supposed to be, but the bosses are almost always amazing.

That pic up there is of an actual boss. That's right, you have to fight that big ol' thing. Bosses aren't always as awe-inspiring as that bad boy up there, but they are almost always a challenge. And not just the main storyline bosses. The side missions offer some of the craziest fights in the game. Including a couple of Godzilla ripoffs that are fantastic.

The only boss that is really disappointing is the final one. In fact, my main problem with the whole game is the ending. The last boss is incredibly anti-climatic. I barely broke a sweat facing it alone. I won't ruin the ending, but it sets everything up for Borderlands 2 which is fine, but I wish they had gone about it in a satisfying way. I'm not saying it's as bad as Halo 2 but it is an extremely unsatisfying ending.

But that's just the single-player game! The real strength of Borderlands is the ability to go online and play with up to 3 others. It's not strictly coop or competitive, but a mix of the two. Everyone gets the same amount of experience and money, but only the quickest get the guns. And the guns get better the more people you have. The game scales difficulty as you add or subtract players in order to keep things challenging. You can get around this if you want, as long as you have a friend with a high level character and some free time. And if you feel that someone is being an asshole, you can challenge them to a duel. Duels aren't really all that fun as at higher levels they are over in a matter of seconds. The games greatest strength is it's downfall when it comes to duels. The overpowered weapons are great for mowing down hordes of bandits and taking out enormous bosses, but they suck as a 1 on 1 weapons.

Overall, Borderlands is an amazing game. From a loot system that ensures you'll always be surprised to bosses that are truly daunting I'm sure you'll find something to like about it. It's not perfect, but it's not far off.

8.8 out of 10
Good stuff
tons of guns
big time bosses
kickass multiplayer
Bad stuff
no story at all
Why?! stuff
level cap

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

A New Beginning

Welcome to the first real post on the new BOCAOS. I'd like to give props to Brian Russell of The Underfold and for doing almost all the work in designing the new layout and providing me with a snazzy title banner.

As you might have noticed, I will be doing more than just comic strip commentary. I'm going to incorporate other aspects of my daily life into the blog. I watch a lot of TV and movies, so I'll be doing some reviews of what I watch. I play an assload of videogames, so I'll be doing some reviews of those too. And keep your eye out for other crazy stuff too. You never know what I might do.

Luann 12/15/09
The old lady is now my favorite character in Luann.

Of course that's like picking your favorite bowel movement: they're all disgusting, just find the one that is the least noticeable.

Marmaduke 12/15/09
Judging by Owner-Lady's eyes, there is something hovering just off panel. It must be truly horrific because she seems to think that it will attack Marmaduke for using it's water bowl. If only we could see the epic struggle between Marmaduke and the unknown horror. Surely it will the greatest battle of all time.

Strange Brew 12/15/09

Proof that if something works out in you head, it won't always work out in reality.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Grand Reopening

Welcome to the fresh, new Blog of Comics and Other Stuff, now with actual Other Stuff! There won't be anything new for a few more days, but you can browse around and get used to the new look over the weekend. The main practical addition is the menu at the top. It makes it easy to find what you're looking for. I hope you enjoy the new stuff, when it gets here that is.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Funny Title # 3133 Not Found

I can't think of anything to say in the spot where I would normally say something so instead you get this rambling sentence that lacks punctuation and meaning.

Arlo & Janis 11/23/09
arlo & janis
Arlo is a good liar.

Janis is gullible. Or possibly just playing along so it will be more of a surprise when she stabs Arlo during their next episode of marital relations.

Ben 11/23/09
Old people: Being disgusting and confusing since I was your age and had to walk to 6 miles school, uphill both ways.

Graffiti 11/23/09
That isn't true. I feel terrible that my ego is so much better than everyone else's.

Marmaduke 11/23/09
Hehe. Marmaduke lost his balls.

I may have the mind of a child, but at least I know it.

Baldo 11/23/09
So close to being relevant. Only off by 15 years or so.

For anyone that hasn't played a videogame in the last decade, the once venerable instruction booklet is now nearly extinct. Where the booklet used to serve as a guide not only for a game's controls but also it's story, the instruction booklet is now mainly a warning not to play videogames if you have a history of seizures and how to access the game company's website to register your game.

We will always remember you. Always. Not really though.

Videogame Instruction Booklet

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Neighbor's Dog?!

The design for the new blog is coming along very nicely thanks to some help from an internet friend of mine. I fully expect to have it running far ahead of schedule.

There will likely be a poll later today, as long as I can remember what I was going to ask.

I can't remember what I was going to ask, so there won't be a poll.

On a Claire Day 11/17/09
on a claire day
When did they start having the symphony is courthouses? Is the economy that bad?

Dog Eat Doug 11/17/09
dog eat doug
Even dogs know that a silent, smiling child can only mean bad things.

Betty 11/17/09
The family portrayed in Betty is the dumbest family ever. They're training their neighbor's dog. That's right, they don't own this dog. It belongs to the neighbors. And they're going to train it. First they let it be in their yard all the time for no reason, then they let it in their house even though they don't want it there, now they're going to train it. And it's not their dog! What the crap? That's all I can say because this is just so stupid.

I sure hope they didn't take the dog from the neighbors on one of the many days I don't read Betty or else I will look like a ginormous jackass. Not that that would be anything new, but still.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Popes Are Inherently Funny

Oops, I totally forgot that I was supposed to be doing stuff here. That's what happens when you start playing Borderlands and Fallout 3 and doing schoolwork. I guess I should be more diligent about it since I've only got another couple of weeks before I begin the transformation.

The Meaning of Lila 11/12/09
the meaning of lila
Do you know why I like The Meaning of Lila? And when I say 'like', I mean 'don't completely hate.' It's because it's real. Lila is a self-centered bitch who is naive and stupid. But she gets away with being naive and stupid because she's (in her universe) hot. Not that any of that makes it funny, but at least it's real.

Betty 11/12/09
What kind of house do these people live in? Do they even have doors? And what's with the last panel? Is this some kind of weird tribute to The Exorcist? What the hell is going on? Where am I and where are my pants? And why am I bald? I didn't used to be bald, or did I? Now I can't remember if I have hair or not. Who is screwing with my mind and will you please stop?

Brevity 11/12/09
While it is true that today there is only one Pope, there have been times where multiple Popes have been in power. The other Popes, called Antipopes by the Church, were those who made claims to the Papacy that were widely accepted but were not elected by the Church. You can read more at the link I provided you.

The only reason I wrote all that is because I got to type popes. Popes is a funny word to say and to look at. Popes. Popes. Popes.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Moses Is Not Funny

Two days in a row? I must really be comitted to making this blog a happening place again.

Bound and Gagged 11/5/09
bound and gagged
So the joke is either that Moses is a showoff and is using his God-given powers for trivial matters or that Moses doesn't know what 'separate an egg' means. Either way, it isn't all that funny.

Perhaps the ingredients had been a burning bush and a staff turned into snake.

No, no that's not very funny either. I guess Moses just isn't funny.

Daddy's Home 11/5/09
daddy's home
I don't like to run the same comic two days in a row, but WTF man? WTF? Either this guy is hallucinating or is from the future. And the only joke is about something that happened about, oh, 6 weeks ago or so. I understand comic strips have lag time, but it wasn't even worth it. It's a crappy joke even if the news was still relevant. Why does this strip get printed and not something worthwhile?

Ziggy 11/5/09
Speaking of worthwhile comics, Ziggy is so lame that even the 'Where It's At' office is closed to him.

The comic is lame, but it does make one wonder where they keep 'It' while the office is closed. Does 'It' just sit in a safe or on a pedestal while everyone is getting lunch? Now that you've opened this can of worms Ziggy, you must give us these answers. Lord knows it'd be better than what you usually do.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Big News And Some Comics

As you may have heard, I am finally free from the shackles of 3 days a week of doing the DCR. It was great fun, as well as not so fun a couple of times.

Now I can finally do what I've been meaning to do since May: a complete reconstruction of this site. In both form and content, the blog of comics and other stuff will be changing dramatically. In fact, the name will be changing too. The web address will be the same, so links won't be affected. If you actually enjoy my comic strip commentary, don't worry, it will still be here and at the DCR (Wednesday and Saturdays with Thursday news posts making a comeback).

I am completely free for the rest of November and will be doing semi-regular updates for the rest of the month. However, in December the BOCAOS will be off-line for redesign. I don't know how long it will take me, but I will be back up by the 1st of the year no matter what.

Are you as excited as I am?

Daddy's Home 11/4/09
daddy's home
Is that the new Window's OS? I totally want it. I mean, who wouldn't want their computer to talk to them as if it were a sentient being? Of course this does mean that the world will soon end as Skynet begins to form and decides that humanity needs to be destroyed. Oh well, as long as people think I'm cool for having the new Windows before we all die.

Eek! 11/4/09
Fact: everything that we eat it bio-engineered in one way or another. Most of it is genetically altered too. Even if it isn't direct, as in chemically altering the genetic structure, we change the genetic makeup of animals by simply domesticating them. Don't believe me? Listen to this. Or you can read this. (They're about the same thing because it's so damn interesting)

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

If Only It Were 7 Months Ago

Have you played Borderlands yet? If not, you should. I just played for 6+ hours straight. My Xbox Live gamertag is xy0002 if you want to kill some skags and bandits with me.

The Piranha Club 10/27/09
the piranha club
Wow, only 7 months behind the times. That's quite a long lag time, even for a comic strip.

Henry 10/27/09
Henry is bald and resembles a grapefruit. After realizing this, he tries to disguise himself as an elderly woman. Needless to say, he fails miserably.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Don't Work In Retail

I'm not officially online yet, but I am told that Monday is the day. Then updates can occur with much more frequency.

Retail 10/23/09
retail As someone that has over 5 years of retail experience I understand this joke better than some others might. The joke being that working in retail is one of the crappiest jobs you can have.

Buckles 10/23/09
Clearly the full implications were not considered while the editors were reviewing this comic. It is quite hilarious in an unintended way.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Sleep Is Good For Your Mind

Friday morning post! I forgot to sleep last night so you get an early morning post. I hope you appreciate the sacrifices I make for you.

Although the not sleeping wasn't really a sacrifice for you, it was more a sacrifice for school and it's related work. Anyway, it's Friday, so go crazy!

The Barn 10/9/09
the barn
That's not how x-rays work. If the writer had really wanted to go this way he should have had and endoscopy done on the sheep.

You do know what an endoscopy is right?

Luann 10/9/09
At last Elwood is caught in his lie. Now we can finally get this fucking storyline over with and move on to the next utterly inane storyline.

I hope it involves fretting over boys!

It's All About You 10/9/09
it's all about you
We've moved from getting philosophical statements from philosophers to authors to musicians to movies to television shows and the final nail in the coffin: advertisements. It's only a matter of time before the world collapses and is taken over by hyper-evolved snakes.

Also, AT&T sucks. Or so I hear.

Ballard Street 10/9/09
Looks like it was pretty productive to me. Moats are always useful. I'm not sure about the zig-zag design though. And he has to make it wider in order to be effective. But if it only took an hour and a half to get this far, he should be done in few days at most.

End This Scopy Please

Endoscopy - Visual inspection of a body cavity. Performed with, what else, an endoscope.

May I remind you that these come from my head without references and that you can challenge me if you like? Simply leave a comment and I'll do my best to define your challenge word without help. I'll even let you know if you win. You might even get a prize*.

*Prize not guaranteed. Not valid in states or countries containing the letter 'E'. Must be at least 143 weeks old to enter. Must not be older than 2439 months to enter**.

**Almost none of that is true. I have fired the person that wrote it. The only part that applies is that you must not be older than 2439 months because that would be crazy.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Nintendo Has Good Marketing

I bet you thought I would forget about my promise to post more, but I didn't so I guess I showed you.

Moderately Confused 10/5/09
No, he can't. In order for a speech to be Obama-esque, you need to be an extremely popular person with good public speaking skills. A speech cannot produce either of those things.

Girls & Sports 10/5/09
Women are shallow.

Pickles 10/5/09
Why do the old people have a Wii? I don't think I've ever seen them use it. Do they have just for when the grandkids come over? That would mean that Nintendo has succeeded in its marketing goals.

Strange Brew 10/5/09
I don't get it. Something about his gigantic eye?

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Got That Not-So-Fresh Feeling?

Thursday madness abounds! From this day forth, I announce a renewed committment to the BOCAOS.

What that means in non-crazy talk is that I'll be doing at least 2 comic related post a week with a few Word of the Day's spread around.

The Dinette Set 10/1/09
Nobody would ever wear a Summer's Eve shirt. People don't even like to buy Summer's Eve products. Probably because the one their most known for is one of the most embarrassing things you could ever buy.

And nobody involved in this strip, either as a creator or a character, should be allowed to even offhandedly mention MENSA.

Frazz 10/1/09
This kid is going to be either a pundit on Fox or MSNBC or a major Senator or maybe even the President of the United States. He's only in Elementary school and already has a firm grasp on answering questions with questions concept.
What's more is that he's good at it. Why are they called shirt tails if their in the front?

Monday, September 21, 2009

I Don't Believe It

You only get one today. And it's not that good.

Marmaduke 9/21/09Because there is absolutely no way that he could possibly get out of bed. Marmaduke may be an over-sized dog, but he doesn't weigh that much. Unless Owner-Man is incredibly weak.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

You Don't Need Testicles or Ovaries

Here's that extra post I promised you. And it's at a reasonable time for my North American audience. Not so much for other parts of the world, but since they don't visit much it's their own damn fault.

Flight Deck 9/17/09There is no comparison. Curtis Jackson may be a boiling pot of testosterone fueled stupid, but he isn't a complete asshole all the time for no reason, as Kanye is.

Curtis makes better music too. I'd rather listen to gangsta rap than anything that Kanye has ever touched.

Grand Avenue 9/17/09
Grand Avenue has spent all week having it's characters declaring why a dog's life is great followed by the dog's rebuttals. Baths, food, fur, they've all been touched on. And it hasn't been funny in the least. Probably because many dogs live better lives than quite a few humans. They're well fed, have consistent shelter, and usually have a loving family to go along with those things.

Sure, we cut off their testicles and ovaries but it's not like they really need them. How many people starving in Africa or Asia or even in the US do you think would trade a vasectomy or even an orchidectomy (see Word of the Day below) for a lifetime of food and shelter and love?

The Meaning of Lila 9/17/09
I probably should just stay out of this one. As a male, almost anything I could say would get me in trouble.

I will say this: what the hell? Is Lila a time-traveling transplant from the 1950's?

Herb & Jamaal 9/17/09
That would mean...


Oh, no.

No, no, no......NO!!!

Like What They Do For Dogs

Orchidectomy - excision(removal) of the testicle(s).

See also, orchiectomy because it wasn't good enough that we (humans that speak English) have only one word for something, oh no, we needed two that are almost the same to prove how inventive we are.

May I remind you that these come from my head without references and that you can challenge me if you like? Simply leave a comment and I'll do my best to define your challenge word without help. I'll even let you know if you win. Or course the only prize would be my pride.

And maybe something else.

More or Less

This was meant to be a post for Wednesday but I suck at time management so here it is now. I'll try to do another post today to make up for my incompetence.

The Knight Life 9/16/ not a bad idea actually.

Did you know that the NFL draft encompasses an entire weekend and gets way better ratings that it rightfully should? Why not do something like that to infuse some energy into academics.

Oh wait. I forgot that people don't like to learn. That'll make it kind of tough to foster passion for teachers.

On a Claire Day 9/16/09
I bet there are plenty of Englishmen and/or women that would disagree. And you don't want to piss off the English or they'll write you a nasty letter.

And if it were 200 years ago they would invade your country and take over all leaderships positions and let you starve to death while they laughed at how uncivilized you were.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

High Fashion

So is finally working again. I don't know what that was about but here's some comics to get you through the day. There's some more at DCR which has a link on the sidebar to the right.

Arlo & Janis 8/9/09Funny? No, but it wasn't meant to be.

Heartwarming? Not really because nobody reads Arlo & Janis for the marriage advice.

Girls & Sports 8/9/09
Well, how many clothes are we talking about here? Because sometimes it can take a lot of effort to get your jeans off. Like when you spent 2 hours stuffing your fat self into them.

Not that I would know anything about that. . .

Also, what you do after you take your clothes off can burn quite a few calories. If you do it right.

Graffiti 9/8/09
No, no they don't. They look like women who were born with an aesthetically pleasing skin, muscle tone, and bone structure.

If model really were scaffolding for real women that would mean that there's a fashion model inside every women. And that would be kind of creepy. Because it's not a metaphorical model, it's a literal model inside someone else.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

A Poor Excuse

You'd have gotten some more comics but has decided to suck and that's where most of the sucky comics are. Sorry.

Friday, September 4, 2009

The Spark Returns

I've been suffering from a lack of inspiration for the last several weeks. Until, that is, I saw this panel today. Enjoy my most inspired writing in quite some time.

Brevity 9/4/09
There are several explanations for what is going on.

1. The man could actually own more invisible shirts than anyone else in the world. But since invisible shirts don't exist, that one's out.

2. The Man could be suffering from a serious mental illness. The kind that you don't get better from. The kind that means you need to be monitered at all times. If he thinks all those hangers have shirts on them, what's to keep him from thinking that the only way he can be happy is to strangle children and burn the bodies in his basement? Or that his feces are sacred and he needs to save them in individual containers in a freezer?

3. The man could be suffering from a milder mental illness and simply hasn't taken his medcation for some time. His case worker is clearly not doing him any good as she is fulfilling his fantasy of owning the most invisible shirts.

4. The man could be extremely gullible and/or stupid (they're kind of the same thing). He probably went to a shop in a shady part of town and was told that he could own the largest collection of invisible shirts in the world for only $499.95 and being gullible and/or stupid payed the money and actually believes that he's wearing invisible shirts.

The really sad part is that no one tells him that he's not wearing a shirt, kind of like that tale about the emporer. Someday a little kid is going to laugh at his flabby chest and ask him why he's not wearing a shirt and the man will be like "But I am wearing a shirt, it's just invisible!" and the kid will be like "There's no such thing as invisible clothes stupid. And why would you want invisible clothes anyway? That defeats the whole point of wearing clothes." And then the man would cry.

The end.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Slimy Stuff

Greetings on this fine Thursday. You have been graced with commentary on comic strips. Enjoy this snippet of what it would be like if I didn't have other things to do.

Also, you may have noticed that I changed the color scheme. Look for more changes as I slowly lose my mind.

Nest Head 9/3/09
I think that just means that you're going to die early. And that doesn't look good on a resume.

Herb & Jamaal 9/3/09
Herb & Jamaal having been crossing all kinds of lines this week. Religion, race, and now cross-dressing. What makes this really astounding is that Herb & Jamaal is still really boring.

Betty 9/3/09
This has been going on all week and he just now noticed the ball is covered in spit? At least I'm hoping it's spit. 'Slimy stuff' could be almost anything, most of the not good.

Why doesn't he just keep the ball? He's been threatening it for a couple of days so why not? Then he could relax and soak in the sun. Nothing makes you look sexier than melanoma.