Don't Call it a Comeback

I told you I wasn't done. You probably didn't believe me either. Well I showed you, didn't I?


Marmaduke 5/27/10

The obedience school jokes were old 20 years ago.  Please find a new joke to overuse and ruin.

Also, that was a pretty quick call for audit.  Marmaduke's Owner-Man must have filed quite some time ago.  I suppose he is nothing if not a financial wizard, I mean he's been feeding a dog of monstrous size for 50 decades.

Mixed Commentary

There's some serious-type stuff at the end. Skip if you don't want to get political.

Funky Winkerbean 3/22/10

Hooray for racist remarks made to someone that is the race you're being racist towards!

I know that the clever punchline is supposed to make everything cool, but there really is no need to ever say the phrase 'mixed marriage' unless it's 1950 again. Maybe you can get away with it if you are really old. Maybe. As long as you aren't talking to someone of a different race.



The Pajama Diaries 3/22/10

A hematologist is a doctor that studies blood and conditions of the blood. Usually not a good thing to be talking to a hematologist.

Not sure what a JAK2 mutation is though. You'll have to look that up for yourself.

Luann 3/22/10

Quill is a master of the subtle insult. The writer of the strip, however, is not.

Also, could they just have Luann and Quill get drunk and have stupid sex already? I'm tired of waiting for them to get nasty so we can move to a new story.

State of the Union 3/22/10

Yeah, the country is doing so hot right now, any guesses as to why that might be? Think back to 2008, when that other guy was president. Remember how the financial system starting to go to shit all around us? How it was his administration that lead us from surplus to massive debt? How we went to war in a place where it was/is uncertain it was necessary? Remember all that shit we had to deal with? I do. So, yeah, I feel a bit better after 2009 than I did after the previous 7 years.

Why does everything political have to be so dumb? I think we should leave politics to the editorial cartoons. That goes for Doonesbury too, you Republican assholes that were thinking of being assholes.

Tuesday Once Again

I was gone.

Now I'm back.

Here's some comics.



Bewley 3/16/10

I hope this is a rerun. But even if it is, what the hell? Isn't there an editor or something that checks for this kind of thing? Anybody at all to make sure this kind of thing doesn't happen?

Other than being out of place, it's not too terrible of a comic.

Brenda Starr 3/16/10

Why can't he expose himself to corruption? That'd be way more fun.

And I'm pretty sure Solomon could solve this idiotic dilemma. He was smart, whereas this guy is dumb and tries to act smart by using phrases like 'existential question' when they don't really fit the conversation.



Bound and Gagged, Chuckle Bros 3/16/10


Is it Wizard of Oz day or something? An anniversary or birthday? Anything at all to justify 2 strips referencing it on the same day?

Even if it is some important day involving The Wizard of Oz, that's no excuse to phone it in like Chuckle Bros did. There isn't even a joke in there.



Eek! 3/16/10

I hope this is a rerun from 1995. If it isn't, then /slamheadintowallrepeatedly.

And The Joke Is?

Tuesday is the day before the middle of the week. Make of that what you will.



The Meaning of Lila 3/2/10

Lila either has the most boring job in the world or, much more interestingly, is extremely horny.



Home and Away 3/2/10

I know, how about you act like parents. You don't have to justify every decision to the satisfaction of a child, mostly due to the fact that it's impossible most of the time.

Or I suppose they could just tell her the truth: that they're both out of work and will have to sell her into slavery.

Frank & Ernest 3/2/10

Almost every time I read Frank & Ernest I want to chop down a tree. . .with my fist. Good thing I'm lazy and there are no trees in my house.



The Doozies 3/2/10

I can't imagine being so angry that being asked to turn on a light would set me off, but I've never worked in a lamp store.

He looks pretty pissed in all three panels, actually. I wonder what happened to make him so angry. Perhaps some simians got into the store and started breaking stuff?

Brewster Rockit 3/2/10

Indeed, the moon is slowly drifting away from the Earth. Pretty cool eh?

Not sure why you'd want to try to pull it towards Earth again. That would probably end up with the moon smashing into Earth. Good thing I don't have to worry about it.

Bewley 3/2/10

I can't find the aforementioned joke. Am I just dumb? What have I missed?

RBS*

Thursday. Not much else to say. Enjoy.



Animal Crackers 2/25/10

I'm at a loss. What is that supposed to be around his neck?

Frog Applause 2/25/10

I can spout random stupidity too, only I don't get any money or recognition for it.

Is my contempt for Frog Applause obvious enough?

Gil Thorp 2/25/10

Look, if the guy's perfectly happy being the janitor at his former high school then I don't see a problem. Maybe there was a really mean bully at State and poor little Steve got picked on. Besides, as a high school janitor he's got his pick of jailbait ass.

For my next trick I'm only going to give you the bolded text from the strip(you can see the strip by clicking the link. Can you guess which one it is? More importantly, think about the bolded words. Are they appropriate? Does it make sense that they are bolded? Keep in mind that bold is supposed to denote emphasis, much like italics.

Unknown Comic 2/25/10

Yeah...Used...Brothers. Green Purist...Figured out...Pure...Impotent. Argued?

*Random Bolding Syndrome

The Struggle of Man Against His Dark Nature

I return! After many days of laziness and computer failure there shall be a new wave of content at BOCAOS. Many comics posts will be the main component of this content, but TV and movie reviews are also in the works. And as soon as I can figure out what I want to say about Mass Effect 2 I'll write a review. Also, Heavy Rain is out today so a review should be expected this weekend. Also due today is the third piece of DLC for Borderlands so I'll write that up when I get around to it.

Also, wheels are in motion at DCR. Secret wheels. Oh, and they want a writer for Monday and Tuesday so feel free to go there and check it out. There's a link in the sidebar.

Also also, if you want to comment on something older than a week you'll find moderation because I'm being flooded with spam. (well not flooded, but quite a bit and for some reason exclusively on older posts)

2 Cows and a Chicken 2/23/10

The actual punchline is pretty lame, but the nonsensical phrases "Are pine trees edible?" and "I'm cravin' a pine tree!" are pretty damn great.

Daddy's Home 2/22/10

I'm not a slave to Apple so I haven't been following coverage of the iPad very closely, but from what I have heard it's basically a giant iPhone that doesn't make calls. Whoopie.

Also, anyone that follows a company, a fucking corporation, blindly is the dumbest kind of person. I know that you think Apple is different and that they're not like other companies. The truth is that Apple wants to make money. They do that by producing things you want. Only problem is that now they have started producing things and then telling you that you want it. I think they chose the name iPad just to see how stupid people really are.

Frank & Ernest 2/23/10

I just hope that that tree falls on them both and finally ends it.

Frog Applause 2/23/10

What the hell is this? Does anyone actually enjoy this? It's not funny, it's not smart, what the hell is the point of it?

This reminds me of 'modern art' where someone shits in a jar and calls it 'the struggle of man against his dark nature.'

No, it's not the struggle of man against his dark nature, it's shit in a jar.

Ink Pen 2/23/10

The problem with doing references is that you inherently limit your audience. I have no idea what Glen Close has to do with rabbits. I'm assuming that she did a movie involving the subject and I could look it up, but if I need to look it up then it becomes just a useless piece of knowledge and not a joke and all I wanted was a joke.

Seriously, I have so many pieces of useless knowledge in my head that I think any more will do serious harm.

Love is... 2/23/10

So love is when you trick your boyfriend/husband/only other human living in the Garden of Eden into condemning an entire religion (or everyone ever if you happen to believe in said religion) to eternal damnation even if they're only just born and can't have possibly committed a crime against anyone?

That's a pretty fucked up version of love.



Pluggers 2/23/10

In fact, they aren't even SUV's, they're trucks with toppers on them.

The End of Ziggy

Comics.com is being dumb and only sending me 3 comics in the email that should have around 30 so you have to deal with the gocomics.com logo.



Pickles 2/9/10

Pickles is quickly becoming my favorite strip. If it can give me a few more sentences that twisted up it'll be at the top of the list.

And why did he hit the ball so hard? The glass is right there, a light tap should do it. Just taaaap it in. Tap, tap, tap-a-roo.



Ziggy 2/9/10

It could get very ugly indeed as the computer would need to have consciousness to have a psychosomatic anything. It's obviously a pretty smart self-aware computer because it designed it's own virus. Hopefully this means that the Ziggy universe will be collapsing under the weight of a machine ware very soon.

That would make an awesome strip. Or at least better than what Ziggy does now.

Whee!

You get zero guesses where I got these comics from.


Brenda Starr 2/8/10

Twitter must have jumped the shark pretty hard because it seems like it's popping up in comic strips all the time these days and it's being depicted more and more accurately.

Also, 'tweeting twerp' is actually sort of clever. It's not great, but it's not horrible either.



Rabbits Against Magic 2/8/10

Some newer diseases do seem made up by drug companies and doctors but they are usually real.

Restless Leg Syndrome is a real problem, just not for as many people as are currently diagnosed with it. The problem is that companies advertise their drugs that cure 'syndrome Q' on TV and gullible people see the ads and then 'discover' that they have had this disorder all their life and they never knew about it. Then they go to their doctor and demand the medication and since the doctor has heard the same stupid thing 10 times already that day just prescribes the medication after the patient tells them that they have all the symptoms of 'syndrome Q'.

It's the same with things like webMD. People go on there and type in some symptoms and decide that they have African Sleeping Sickness and go to their doctor and the doctor has to waste time telling the person that they can't possibly have African Sleeping Sickness for a number of reasons.

The moral of the lesson is that part of the reason that the US health system is so screwed up is because people are wasting doctor time to get checked for illnesses they couldn't get unless they tried really hard. I wouldn't doubt that at least 10 morons went to the doctor last year because they thought they had polio.

Also, 'SMECK!' is a pretty sweet sound effect.

B.C. 2/8/10

Man's finest ego is not ice fishing. It's breathing and feeding tubes and all the other medical wonders that can keep dead people alive.

Although they might not remember those things in the future-past that is the setting for B.C.

Also, that's not how you would want to do that. Plus that ice would weigh quite a bit and I'm pretty sure that he's not that strong.

Short and to the Point

Today is Tuesday and that means you can see the comic I made for Carafe. I think it might be the funniest thing on the Internet ever.*

*This is a lie.

Frazz 2/2/10

Hahahaha, some holidays are silly and made up. I can't imagine why they didn't make fun of Thanksgiving, Christmas (the one with Santa, I'm not trying to belittle Christians), Easter (the rabbit version), Columbus Day, President's Day, or Labor Day.

The fact is that every holiday started off with some crazy person doing something no one else had done before. And just about every holiday is based on some weird belief or tradition. I mean honestly, a fat man with magic reindeer coming down your chimney? A rabbit that lays eggs?

You can't make fun of Groundhog Day and Valentine's Day if you're not going to make fun of all the other silly holidays.



Brevity 2/2/10

Is that a phobia that people have? I know that people can get sick from circular motion, but I've never heard of anyone being afraid just because.

At any rate, it's still not really very funny. If she was afraid of circular motion, why would she willingly go on a ferris wheel? Maybe it's part of her treatment, but if it is then it's still not funny.

Unsolved Mystery

Frazz 2/1/10

Every time the teacher asks if there are any more questions that annoying black kid asks a completely retarded question. Is that supposed to be funny? Because I don't find it to be anywhere near funny.

Farcus 2/1/10

But who's talking?! We finally have an answer to this question of the ages and we can't tell which one conceded!? Why? Why? Wwwhhhhyyyyyyy?!! My life will never be complete until the mystery is solved and Farcus just brought me as close as ever to solving it before slapping me in the face.

Moderately Confused 2/1/10

Is this a joke about US presidents being white or that the current president is black? Either way it seems like it might be racist.

Carrots and Peas

If you are interested, you should go visit Carafe. It's a hot, new webcomic that is willing to put up almost anyone's strips. Even mine! Which will be featured next Tuesday.



Arlo & Janis 1/28/10

Arlo has finally snapped and murdered the cat. He's trying to disguise it by putting it in a stew, but the fatal flaw in his plan was that blood does not look similar to tomato sauce. Now he'll be charged with animal cruelty and sentenced to whatever the sentence is for animal cruelty in his city, county, or state, whichever has jurisdiction in these types of matters.



Grand Avenue 1/28/10

I must admit that I laughed at this, but then again, I have the mind of a child.



Ballard Street 1/28/10

Certainly the intent is to make us think that Gordon is a homosexual, but I think he just likes to dance in the park where strangers can watch him. I think it gets him sexually excited and that afterwards he goes home to his lover, who is of the opposite sex, and has passionate sex until they are both exhausted.

Pickles 1/28/10

I don't not disagree that this is confusing, but the writer surely didn't think that anyone wouldn't care.

I do think that the old guy is pretty smart for playing the confusion card on his wife to get her to go away.

Well-Rounded Post

It's so cold and windy here today that the school canceled all classes for the first time in over 10 years. So even if you don't enjoy the post today you can enjoy the fact that it probably doesn't suck as much where you live as it does where I live.

Another game review should be up by the end of Saturday. So look for that if you enjoy that kind of thing.

The Meaning of Lila 1/25/10

There isn't a more realistic character in a comic strip that I am aware of. Lila is one of my favorite strips when it's being real and one of my most hated when it tries to be comic-y. Keep it real John and everything will be fine.



Pickles 1/25/10

That-old-guy-who's-name-I-forget is awesome. He doesn't care about the wrath of his wife anymore, he just wants his grandson to learn that women should be ignored as much as possible and that in the future might be able to be silenced with but a thought.



Lola 1/25/10

If Lola wasn't at risk for diabetes before, she will be if she finishes that breakfast. All she needs is a glass of chocolate milk to top everything off.

Also, I like how her son (?) just sits there, offering no advice on what a well-balanced breakfast would actually consist of. It's almost as if he wants Lola to go into a diabetic coma. I can't really blame him, Lola is pretty mean sometimes.


It's All About You 1/25/10

I know that I come off as an asshole most of the time because I simply whine and complain about comic strips, so I'm going to give constructive criticism to this strip.

First, if really want to use this joke I suggest switching where he characters are sitting. It gives a better flow to the first panel if the "PFF!" is on the right side and the eye doesn't need to wander back over the first speech balloon to get the the second panel.

Second, use a better joke.

Alright, that wasn't all constructive, but I tried.

Hot and Cold

Arlo & Janis 1/21/10

Or where I live: October: 10 inches of snow. November: 40 degrees everyday. December: -20 windchills and snowstorms every other day. January: 30 degrees everyday.

It's fun to live in the upper Midwest, you never know what the hell is going to happen next.



Red and Rover 1/21/10

If you imagine panel 3 with out the word balloon it's just creepy.



Dog Eat Doug 1/21/10

In the other direction we have this word from the Ojibwe language:

miin-aan baash kimini-sij-i-gan bitooyin sij-i-gan-i bukwayszhiigan

That means blueberry pie.



Strange Brew 1/21/10

That is one pissed off rooster. Sucks to be that guy.

Larger Than Average

In order to makeup for not doing much of anything for awhile today's post is larger than usual.

In terms of comics I mean, not necessarily in terms of my contribution. Not that my contribution is much of anything most of the time anyway.

[Author's Note: I was hit with a trojan attack when this post was in it's formative stages and it took me quite some time to clean everything up. During that time I may have forgotten what I was going to say for some of the comics so what you read here might not be as funny as what I had originally been going to put.]

Adam@Home 1/19/10

I can't remember what I was going to say about this one. I think it had something to do with sex.

Don't blame me, blame internet assholes that design assholish programs to try to steal information. They may not have gotten any money, but they did manage to steal what I was thinking about, and in a way that is more damaging.

Not really, the money would have sucked way more.

Also, I think this is actually more humorous than what I was going to put in the first place.

Fred Basset 1/19/10

If I was Fred's owner, I would feed him all the time. The worst kind of dog food I could get too. Why? Because it's time for Fred Basset to die. He isn't funny and he has nothing useful to say about anything. Usually animals are put down when they get old and decrepit, why has Fred been kept alive and forced to endure the this horrible state of existence?



Neurotica 1/19/10

Hellta is clearly supposed to be Delta. I have never flown Delta, but I do hate them. I hate them because they bought one of my home state's most visible companies: Northwest Airlines. Not that it really matters to me, but I do tend to have pride in where I come from, so when you mess with Minnesota you mess with me.

Not that I can do anything, but I can always dream that my actions will affect multi-billion dollar corporations.

Did you know that the Minneapolis/St. Paul International Airport is consistently one of the 30 busiest airports in the world?

Not in the U.S. In the world. It generally serves about 35 million passengers a year. Suck on that Leonard da Vinci-Fiumicino Airport.

The Fusco Brothers 1/19/10

.buıʎouuɐ ʎ11ɐǝɹ uoıʇuǝɯ oʇ ʇou

.sʇo1d ǝuoz ʇɥbı1ıʍʇ 1ɐǝɹ oʇ pǝɹɐdɯoɔ pǝpɹɐʇǝɹ ʎʇʇǝɹd sı uʍop-ǝpısdn buıǝq ǝbɐnbuɐ1 .buıuǝddɐɥ ǝq p1noʍ sʇnu ǝs1ǝ buıɥʇǝɯos ɹo ʎzɐɹɔ buıɥʇǝɯos buıop ǝq p1noʍ suǝı1ɐ ɹo pǝɯɹoɟǝp ǝq p1noʍ ssǝɹʇıɐʍ ǝɥʇ ɹo ǝ1doǝd ǝq p1noʍ pooɟ ǝɥʇ ǝuoz ʇɥbı1ıʍʇ ǝɥʇ uı ǝɔɐ1d buıʞɐʇ ʎ11ɐǝɹ ǝɹǝʍ ɹǝuuıp sıɥʇ ɟı

If you actually read that, go get a cookie, you deserve it.

Pluggers 1/19/10

A 50 inch waist? Holy crap! You shouldn't have a 50 inch waist unless you're 6'9'' or somewhere around there or perhaps you wish to die as soon as possible but without poison or guns.

I only have a 44 or 46 inch waist and I tend to hover around 300 pounds. There is little excuse for being fatter than me. Seriously, ask my friends, they will tell you.



Chuckle Bros, Ziggy, Speed Bump 1/19/10

(Frustrated comic strip snarker leaves keyboard to place head under the nearest automobile wheel)

I could only stay outside for a couple of minutes, it's too hot out there. It's over 20 degrees out there, it must be some kind of demonic heat wave.

Luckily the automobile didn't move so my head was not crushed. But after seeing these 3 again, I kind of wish it had been.