Monday, September 21, 2009

I Don't Believe It

You only get one today. And it's not that good.

Marmaduke 9/21/09Because there is absolutely no way that he could possibly get out of bed. Marmaduke may be an over-sized dog, but he doesn't weigh that much. Unless Owner-Man is incredibly weak.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

You Don't Need Testicles or Ovaries

Here's that extra post I promised you. And it's at a reasonable time for my North American audience. Not so much for other parts of the world, but since they don't visit much it's their own damn fault.

Flight Deck 9/17/09There is no comparison. Curtis Jackson may be a boiling pot of testosterone fueled stupid, but he isn't a complete asshole all the time for no reason, as Kanye is.

Curtis makes better music too. I'd rather listen to gangsta rap than anything that Kanye has ever touched.

Grand Avenue 9/17/09
Grand Avenue has spent all week having it's characters declaring why a dog's life is great followed by the dog's rebuttals. Baths, food, fur, they've all been touched on. And it hasn't been funny in the least. Probably because many dogs live better lives than quite a few humans. They're well fed, have consistent shelter, and usually have a loving family to go along with those things.

Sure, we cut off their testicles and ovaries but it's not like they really need them. How many people starving in Africa or Asia or even in the US do you think would trade a vasectomy or even an orchidectomy (see Word of the Day below) for a lifetime of food and shelter and love?

The Meaning of Lila 9/17/09
I probably should just stay out of this one. As a male, almost anything I could say would get me in trouble.

I will say this: what the hell? Is Lila a time-traveling transplant from the 1950's?

Herb & Jamaal 9/17/09
That would mean...


Oh, no.

No, no, no......NO!!!

Like What They Do For Dogs

Orchidectomy - excision(removal) of the testicle(s).

See also, orchiectomy because it wasn't good enough that we (humans that speak English) have only one word for something, oh no, we needed two that are almost the same to prove how inventive we are.

May I remind you that these come from my head without references and that you can challenge me if you like? Simply leave a comment and I'll do my best to define your challenge word without help. I'll even let you know if you win. Or course the only prize would be my pride.

And maybe something else.

More or Less

This was meant to be a post for Wednesday but I suck at time management so here it is now. I'll try to do another post today to make up for my incompetence.

The Knight Life 9/16/ not a bad idea actually.

Did you know that the NFL draft encompasses an entire weekend and gets way better ratings that it rightfully should? Why not do something like that to infuse some energy into academics.

Oh wait. I forgot that people don't like to learn. That'll make it kind of tough to foster passion for teachers.

On a Claire Day 9/16/09
I bet there are plenty of Englishmen and/or women that would disagree. And you don't want to piss off the English or they'll write you a nasty letter.

And if it were 200 years ago they would invade your country and take over all leaderships positions and let you starve to death while they laughed at how uncivilized you were.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

High Fashion

So is finally working again. I don't know what that was about but here's some comics to get you through the day. There's some more at DCR which has a link on the sidebar to the right.

Arlo & Janis 8/9/09Funny? No, but it wasn't meant to be.

Heartwarming? Not really because nobody reads Arlo & Janis for the marriage advice.

Girls & Sports 8/9/09
Well, how many clothes are we talking about here? Because sometimes it can take a lot of effort to get your jeans off. Like when you spent 2 hours stuffing your fat self into them.

Not that I would know anything about that. . .

Also, what you do after you take your clothes off can burn quite a few calories. If you do it right.

Graffiti 9/8/09
No, no they don't. They look like women who were born with an aesthetically pleasing skin, muscle tone, and bone structure.

If model really were scaffolding for real women that would mean that there's a fashion model inside every women. And that would be kind of creepy. Because it's not a metaphorical model, it's a literal model inside someone else.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

A Poor Excuse

You'd have gotten some more comics but has decided to suck and that's where most of the sucky comics are. Sorry.

Friday, September 4, 2009

The Spark Returns

I've been suffering from a lack of inspiration for the last several weeks. Until, that is, I saw this panel today. Enjoy my most inspired writing in quite some time.

Brevity 9/4/09
There are several explanations for what is going on.

1. The man could actually own more invisible shirts than anyone else in the world. But since invisible shirts don't exist, that one's out.

2. The Man could be suffering from a serious mental illness. The kind that you don't get better from. The kind that means you need to be monitered at all times. If he thinks all those hangers have shirts on them, what's to keep him from thinking that the only way he can be happy is to strangle children and burn the bodies in his basement? Or that his feces are sacred and he needs to save them in individual containers in a freezer?

3. The man could be suffering from a milder mental illness and simply hasn't taken his medcation for some time. His case worker is clearly not doing him any good as she is fulfilling his fantasy of owning the most invisible shirts.

4. The man could be extremely gullible and/or stupid (they're kind of the same thing). He probably went to a shop in a shady part of town and was told that he could own the largest collection of invisible shirts in the world for only $499.95 and being gullible and/or stupid payed the money and actually believes that he's wearing invisible shirts.

The really sad part is that no one tells him that he's not wearing a shirt, kind of like that tale about the emporer. Someday a little kid is going to laugh at his flabby chest and ask him why he's not wearing a shirt and the man will be like "But I am wearing a shirt, it's just invisible!" and the kid will be like "There's no such thing as invisible clothes stupid. And why would you want invisible clothes anyway? That defeats the whole point of wearing clothes." And then the man would cry.

The end.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Slimy Stuff

Greetings on this fine Thursday. You have been graced with commentary on comic strips. Enjoy this snippet of what it would be like if I didn't have other things to do.

Also, you may have noticed that I changed the color scheme. Look for more changes as I slowly lose my mind.

Nest Head 9/3/09
I think that just means that you're going to die early. And that doesn't look good on a resume.

Herb & Jamaal 9/3/09
Herb & Jamaal having been crossing all kinds of lines this week. Religion, race, and now cross-dressing. What makes this really astounding is that Herb & Jamaal is still really boring.

Betty 9/3/09
This has been going on all week and he just now noticed the ball is covered in spit? At least I'm hoping it's spit. 'Slimy stuff' could be almost anything, most of the not good.

Why doesn't he just keep the ball? He's been threatening it for a couple of days so why not? Then he could relax and soak in the sun. Nothing makes you look sexier than melanoma.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

I Left My Heart...

Takotsubo Syndrome - A sudden weaking of the heart. Usually triggered by stress or other emotional disturbance. Also known as 'Broken-Heart Syndrome'. Named for a Japanese pot used to catch octopi.

I admit that I had to look that one up.