Carrots and Peas

If you are interested, you should go visit Carafe. It's a hot, new webcomic that is willing to put up almost anyone's strips. Even mine! Which will be featured next Tuesday.



Arlo & Janis 1/28/10

Arlo has finally snapped and murdered the cat. He's trying to disguise it by putting it in a stew, but the fatal flaw in his plan was that blood does not look similar to tomato sauce. Now he'll be charged with animal cruelty and sentenced to whatever the sentence is for animal cruelty in his city, county, or state, whichever has jurisdiction in these types of matters.



Grand Avenue 1/28/10

I must admit that I laughed at this, but then again, I have the mind of a child.



Ballard Street 1/28/10

Certainly the intent is to make us think that Gordon is a homosexual, but I think he just likes to dance in the park where strangers can watch him. I think it gets him sexually excited and that afterwards he goes home to his lover, who is of the opposite sex, and has passionate sex until they are both exhausted.

Pickles 1/28/10

I don't not disagree that this is confusing, but the writer surely didn't think that anyone wouldn't care.

I do think that the old guy is pretty smart for playing the confusion card on his wife to get her to go away.

Hot and Cold

Arlo & Janis 1/21/10

Or where I live: October: 10 inches of snow. November: 40 degrees everyday. December: -20 windchills and snowstorms every other day. January: 30 degrees everyday.

It's fun to live in the upper Midwest, you never know what the hell is going to happen next.



Red and Rover 1/21/10

If you imagine panel 3 with out the word balloon it's just creepy.



Dog Eat Doug 1/21/10

In the other direction we have this word from the Ojibwe language:

miin-aan baash kimini-sij-i-gan bitooyin sij-i-gan-i bukwayszhiigan

That means blueberry pie.



Strange Brew 1/21/10

That is one pissed off rooster. Sucks to be that guy.

Funny Title # 3133 Not Found

I can't think of anything to say in the spot where I would normally say something so instead you get this rambling sentence that lacks punctuation and meaning.



Arlo & Janis 11/23/09

Arlo is a good liar.

Janis is gullible. Or possibly just playing along so it will be more of a surprise when she stabs Arlo during their next episode of marital relations.

Ben 11/23/09

Old people: Being disgusting and confusing since I was your age and had to walk to 6 miles school, uphill both ways.



Graffiti 11/23/09

That isn't true. I feel terrible that my ego is so much better than everyone else's.



Marmaduke 11/23/09

Hehe. Marmaduke lost his balls.

I may have the mind of a child, but at least I know it.



Baldo 11/23/09

So close to being relevant. Only off by 15 years or so.

For anyone that hasn't played a videogame in the last decade, the once venerable instruction booklet is now nearly extinct. Where the booklet used to serve as a guide not only for a game's controls but also it's story, the instruction booklet is now mainly a warning not to play videogames if you have a history of seizures and how to access the game company's website to register your game.

We will always remember you. Always. Not really though.

Videogame Instruction Booklet

1985-2009

Got That Not-So-Fresh Feeling?

Thursday madness abounds! From this day forth, I announce a renewed committment to the BOCAOS.

What that means in non-crazy talk is that I'll be doing at least 2 comic related post a week with a few Word of the Day's spread around.




The Dinette Set 10/1/09
Nobody would ever wear a Summer's Eve shirt. People don't even like to buy Summer's Eve products. Probably because the one their most known for is one of the most embarrassing things you could ever buy.

And nobody involved in this strip, either as a creator or a character, should be allowed to even offhandedly mention MENSA.



Frazz 10/1/09

This kid is going to be either a pundit on Fox or MSNBC or a major Senator or maybe even the President of the United States. He's only in Elementary school and already has a firm grasp on answering questions with questions concept.

What's more is that he's good at it. Why are they called shirt tails if their in the front?

High Fashion

So comics.com is finally working again. I don't know what that was about but here's some comics to get you through the day. There's some more at DCR which has a link on the sidebar to the right.

Arlo & Janis 8/9/09Funny? No, but it wasn't meant to be.

Heartwarming? Not really because nobody reads Arlo & Janis for the marriage advice.



Girls & Sports 8/9/09
Well, how many clothes are we talking about here? Because sometimes it can take a lot of effort to get your jeans off. Like when you spent 2 hours stuffing your fat self into them.

Not that I would know anything about that. . .

Also, what you do after you take your clothes off can burn quite a few calories. If you do it right.



Graffiti 9/8/09
No, no they don't. They look like women who were born with an aesthetically pleasing skin, muscle tone, and bone structure.

If model really were scaffolding for real women that would mean that there's a fashion model inside every women. And that would be kind of creepy. Because it's not a metaphorical model, it's a literal model inside someone else.

Men Are Assholes? What Else Is New?

More unexpected downtime means another post! Enjoy your brains out.


The Meaning of Lila 5/14/09

Hahaha. Oh man, I'll never get tired of "men are terrible people" jokes.

If men are all such assholes, why do women keep coming back? It makes them look kind of stupid. As a wise man once said, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."



Arlo & Janis 5/14/09

If the squirrels in your neighborhood are that aggressive, it's just payback for being an asshole and feeding them for so many years.



F Minus 5/14/09

It looks like he spent about $10 to make that suit and I don't know where you can get a $35 suit that isn't for a dog.



Nest Heads 5/14/09

"It's got that prime pidgeon-feeding location that all the lonely weirdos are really looking for in a bench."



Herb & Jamaal 5/14/09

So instead of hating Herb she is giving him the sexy eyes?

*hurl*

The Blog is Risen, Risen Indeed

Ah, it feels good to be back in the saddle. Of course, I've never been in a real saddle, but it feels good to be destroying the 'jokes' in comic strips again.


Graffiti 4/14/09
What a fresh joke this is. Only 15 years behind the curve set by sitcoms and stand-up comedians. And I have never seen a toupee that remotely resembled a hood. Such a thing would be even dumber than Graffiti, and that's pretty tough.



Agnes 4/14/09
Does Agnes live in the early 1990's? What child has access to a fax machine? And I'm pretty sure that teachers wouldn't accept a fax, at least not in elementary school.



Drabble 4/14/09
Yep, women only have one purpose: to annoy men. And men's only purpose is to lie about being annoyed by women.

I wonder if this kind of humor would be acceptable is Hilary Clinton was the President. My guess is that no one would notice because only people like me read Drabble.



Arlo & Janis 4/14/09
I don't understand the joke. Is it that he doesn't want his phone to work so he doesn't have to talk to his wife? Is it that she wants his phone to work so she can contact him at all times?
WHERE IS THE JOKE?!?

I am tired of comic strip writers thinking that they can phone it in and no one will notice or care. Soon there will only webcomics if you keep it up guys. Half the retarded manga fan art webcomics I sift through each week looking for something decent is better than this.

Fresh Meat

We have some new(er) comics to add to the list of unreadable, unfunny garbage. Today's first two comics are new to comics.com and, as usual, terrible. At least they are so far, we'll see if they get any better.


Little Dog Lost 4/2/09Yeah, don't yell anything at me from your coffin after you die and are unable to speak because you are no longer alive.

I hate when people say stupid things like that.



It's All About You 4/2/09
What if I sold my soul to the Devil? Then you'd be messing with his property and I don't think that's something you want.

Also, please don't punch me in the face. I don't care what you do to my soul, but leave my face alone.



Girls & Sports 4/2/09
Why is technology involved in . . . that word? Damn, I'm so manly that I can't even type it. I must have dropped an extra testicle recently.

Side Note: If I had dropped an extra testicle, I would have 5. That's right, I was born with 4 testicles.

Side Note to Side Note: I do not have extra testicles. I have the normal amount for a regular human.

Side Note to Side Note of Side Note: This has been an exercise to see how many times I could type testicle in reference to one comic. I think I did pretty good.



Family Tree 4/2/09
Sales people are stupid. People that believe sales people are really stupid. I'm not saying they're stupid all the time, they just made a stupid decision based on someone exploiting their emotions.



B.C. 4/2/09
His 'dignity' must be huge because that's one long throat.



Arlo & Janis 4/2/09
I don't understand what being a man has to do with shitting in the garden. Are a lot of guys shitting in their girlfriend's/wife's garden? If they are they should likely be arrested because that is indecent exposure, among other things.



Committed 4/2/09
Ha . . . ha . . . ha. What a clever joke about the fact that babies can't communicate. How mind-numbingly original. Wait, what's that thing that's the opposite of original? Because the definition of that word is this comic.

I Am Not A Douchebag

Jump Start 3/6/09
Why is nobody ever happy where they are? It's too cold in Philadelphia, there's too much traffic in L.A. Maybe if everyone would stop thinking the grass is greener on the other side we could all get along and stop killing each other.



Arlo & Janis 3/6/09

?

How is seeing a cat like glimpsing a meteor? A cat is an animal that lives in your house, the only reason you wouldn't see it would be because you were blind.

Herb & Jamaal 3/6/09

How is this worth a full strip? This is one of the oldest observations in the world.

Incidentally, would anyone like to hire a hard-working, loyal person with no experience?

No? Damn, I guess I need experience to get the experience I need.

Do you see how lame that joke is? And that was printed all around the country.

Graffiti 3/6/09

And thinking that you're clever by taking a common phrase and making it sound even more stupid can make you look like a douchebag.

And just so you know, I realize that I am not clever. I am not, however, a douchebag.

Mostly I'm just an asshole.

Did I Remind You to Remind Me to Remind You?

You only get one comic today.



Arlo & Janis 3/2/09
This is exactly how marriage works. Your wife tells you to remember things for her; she forgets what she told you that you had to remind her of, but she remembers that she told you to remember it for her. So she gets mad at you because you didn't remember something that she didn't remeber either. Confused yet? I know I am, and I'm the one that wrote all that. So, to summerize: wife makes you remember stuff for her and gets mad when you don't remember it. Why do people get married again?

Love and Murder

BC 2/17/09
Haha. See the one barrel swears when you hit it, that makes it crude.


Why does BC suck so much?


Arlo & Janis 2/17/09

Arlo is either horny or homicidal. At this point I can't blame him for either one.

Secret Asian Man 2/17/09

Well, this is perfectly timed. T-shirt Hell justed closed its doors so it makes sense that someone new would step in to fill the void.

Seriously though, I do hope someone steps up to try to compensate for the loss of one of our great internet institutions.

Psych!!!

I am unable to come up with something clever today

Arlo &Janis 1/28/09

The next panel would be Janis in the kitchen,"Damn, I was so close this time. Well, maybe I'll put some antifreeze in his oatmeal in the morning, then it will all be mine! The purple cat-thing, the stupid kid that shows up occasionally, all mine, mwhahaha!"

"Wait, do I even want any of that stuff?"

Committed 1/28/09

I'm not really sure what this one is going for. Do people really plan more than a few weeks ahead? Sure, maybe a crazy motherfucker has his life planned out sixty years in advance, but since his day planner consists of him pissing in the snow, I don't think that counts.

Also, I'm pretty sure you don't get limbo and reincarnation. Those are from different religions. But I'm not an expert, anyone know for sure?

Also, I don't think you are reincarnated as plants, I'm pretty sure it's just animals. If you're bad you get to be a fly or something like that, not a fucking turnip. If you're good you get to go to stay human, but a better human. And if you're really good, you get to go to nirvana.

I mean really, if you're going to talk about that sort of thing in a comic that is seen by potentially tens of people, you should do your homework.

Ferd'nand 1/28/09

So who is the guy in the last two panels? If we assume that the guy in the blue robe is Ferd'nand, who is the guy in the orange robe? Is it Ferd'nand's clone? And why did he smash into that other guy? Ferd'nand was the one going really fast, not the orange robe guy. And that seems like it would be really serious, you know, since there is a broken leg involved. And what's wrong with the other guy? He doesn't seem to have any visible injury, is it something internal?

Well, it may not be funny, but you can't say Ferd'nand doesn't make you think.