I Love Big Cable Networks

As promised, here is another large post for you. Try not to laugh too loud, I don't want you getting in trouble at work.


The Buckets 3/25/09

I think Ricky is the only one actually made by a child. The other ones were made by the parent(I don't want to be sexist unintentionally) that has experience with woodworking.

My favorite is the NASA one because it probably cost $100 million to make and will explode after 3 uses.



(Too soon?)





Neurotica 3/25/09
I think she's distressed because she has no arms in the second panel. They just disappear and then reappear in the last panel. I'd hate to see the person that looks good when that happens.










Minimum Security 3/25/09

Panic: our only growth industry.

And yes, I stole that from the Colbert Report. Airing Monday-Thursday at 10pm central time. Only on Comedy Central.

I wonder if I'll get something for the free advertising for the Colbert Report on Comedy Central?

Probably not, I hear Viacom is an evil corporation.

But that's not what I believe. In my opinion Viacom is a friendly company that loves its employees and cares about the Earth.

I love Viacom.*

The Fusco Brothers 3/25/09

What is going on here? He seems to be drinking, but I don't know why Chuck would be upset by that.

This comic is really stupid sometimes.

Or is it me?

It's hard to make a sentence with only 2 letter words. Try it sometime.

This next one make an appearance due to a reader request/suggestion. A reader sent me an e-mail about yesterday's Eek!, but it was after I had already done the day's work so I decided to do today's Eek! especially for her.

Eek! 3/25/09

Saturday Night Live did this joke a long time ago. It was a Christopher Walken episode.

It would be weird to work with someone that didn't wear pants. You'd always be staring at their genitals. It would be doubly weird if it was a centaur, what with the giant horse penis and all.

Cul de Sac 3/25/09

My "boss" at The DCR really like Cul de Sac, but after reading this garbage I can't understand why. Maybe it's just an off day for the strip, or maybe he's off his rocker.

Adam @ Home 3/25/09

This comic is the equivalent of a man saying that he hasn't had cervical cancer.

That's how stupid Adam @ Home is.

*If you got the reference then please get out of my head.

Wow! I'm impressed that over 11 people voted on the last poll. In fact 12 people voted. That's at least twice as many votes as the last poll. Anyway, it seems most people are looking for 4 or 5 comics each day. And some people want me to do every comic every day. You people are the definition of crazy. However, at least one of you sent me an e-mail and explained that you didn't really want me to do all the comics every day, which was nice.

The problem for me remains: how do I maintain an update schedule of 5 or so comics a day? The answer? I average 5 comics a day. That way I can do 6 or 7 on days that I have the time and 2 or 3 when I don't have as much time. So you can expect to see a varience in the number of comics that appear here each day, but they will still be terrible and I will still make fun of them.

Word of the Day, it should be noted, has become more Word of the Moment because I haven't the time to think of an interesting word every damn day. So if you were looking for that daily, you can stop because it will be very erratic. Sorry, but that's the way it is.

Look for a comic update later today.

USPS Is Better Than UPS Because They Have An Extra Letter

Sorry about yesterday, but I was overloaded. I still have a lot on my plate, but I have some extra time so it all works out. Here's an extra-large update for you.


B.C. 3/24/09 Is "POOP" supposed to be a sound effect? Because all I'm getting is that the bird took a crap between the panels.

Flo & Friends 3/24/09 Haha, another joke about old people and how they have bad memories. Hahaha. Stop, stop, you're killing me with your originality.

Rudy Park 3/24/09

How does this relate to the recession? People have been failing to be healthy for decades, not just in the last year.

Why do comic strips even try to be up-to-date.

Pickles 3/24/09

Oh, my.

Why? Why? That's all I want to know. WHY!!??

Momma 3/24/09

Yes, all of us men are sociopaths that want to capture women to be our personal slaves.

What would comic strips do if stereotypes didn't exist? I think they would cease to be and we could all get on with our lives.

Herb & Jamaal 3/24/09

Does that mean she thinks he is stupid? There are much better and simpler ways to insult someone, especially when you aren't even talking out loud. You can think anything to yourself and no one will ever know, so why use some kind of insane metaphor.

I have never heard anyone say that in reference to anything, ever. Not even in reference to an actual path.

The Dinette Set 3/24/09

Fuck you, Dinette Set. Fuck you. My dad was a postal carrier and was on time every motherfucking day. Even the days when it snowed 6 feet in an hour, you could count on the mail being delivered. So fuck you for being ignorant assholes.

Sorry about all that, but I have strong feelings when you insult my family, even if it's not directly or intentionally.

Say it ain't so

Sorry, no update today. I'm swamped with homework and the like. I'll make up for it tomorrow.

Funny Post Title Goes Here

Super-duper post today to make up for the lack of one yesterday.

And unless I get some votes other than doing every comic every day, I may have to change the poll. Come on guys, there is no way to do that many comics in one day.

But I digress, here is what we have today:


Rudy Park 3/20/09
I think that AIG has cost the government, which means the American people, way more than Lehman Brothers ever could have. We've given mulitple multi-billion dollar loans to AIG and the government now owns about 80% of the company. Lehman Brothers may have screwed quite a few people, but not as many as AIG.

Did you know that AIG stands for American International Group? What the hell does that even mean? And they are, probably, going to change the name once they get back to being a profitable company because of all the negative things that AIG conjures in the imagination. Do people really fall for that? Do people think that Phillip Morris is a good company since they changed their name to Altria? Feel free to leave thoughts in the comments.



Girls & Sports 3/20/09
That's what I call a win-win scenario. She gets to go to a fancy restuarant and he gets to watch basketball for 90 minutes.

I'm not sure why anyone would want to watch basketball for 90 minutes, but I guess that's a personal choice.



Betty 3/20/09
Why is that troubling? That guy is contributing to society way more than any of us are. He is getting people interested in physiology and biology. All we do is sit in our chairs and write mean things about comic strips. I'm not saying being mean to comic strips isn't fun, it just doesn't contribute to society in a meaningful way.



The Barn 3/20/09
Actually, the Earth will be in alignment with the center of the galaxy, or something like that. Somehow the Mayans knew that it would happen on that date 3000 years ago, or whenever they made the calender.

And is clover an important resource or something? Or is it just that the disappearance of clover would be devasating to a sheep?



Herb & Jamaal 3/20/09
Yes, Herb & Jamaal, no one really reads the nutritional facts. My question is this: why is he eating chips? Has he run out of money and can't afford anything else anymore? That's my hope.



Cow & Boy 3/20/09
Without all the Irish stuff a leprechaun is just a midget.

Or dwarf, whatever your preference is.


Natural Selection 3/20/09
"Dehydrated Water, it's got that concentrated water flavor!"

But seriously, people said that bottled water would never catch on and look how popular it is. Bottled water is so popular that it has single-handedly advanced the destruction of the planet by at least 3000 years. Come on people, just get the water from your sink, it's the same mother-fucking stuff.

My Oh My, Why Would You Lie?

Sorry, but I've had my hands full with other things lately. No comic update today, unless I can pull off a miracle.


Leiomyosarcoma - a malignant tumor of smooth muscle tissue.


It sounds much more impressive than it really is.

Make Tonight a HuManwich Night

Just in case you didn't read about it already(and most of you didn't) there is a new poll, no really, it's over the the right of your screen, towards the top, it's about how much content you want to see, so I suggest that you vote on it, or I'll just start doing whatever the hell I want, and nobody wants that.

Did you realize that the last paragraph was a single sentence? It probably shouldn't be, but I wanted to see how long I could keep it going. Well, anyway, here's the day in comics:


The Barn 3/18/09
Yeah, chicks dig cows too. But not sheep, chicks hate sheep.



Rubes 3/18/09

Would this be any funnier if it were a human standing there and the last option was HuManwiches? I think it would, although, I am a cannibal.

F-Minus 3/18/09

The real trick is how he managed to tie himself in a way that he can't untie himself. I would pay more to see that than I would to see someone untie themselves.

Ferd'nand 3/18/09

I must say that I think it would be really hard to write a strip everyday without using words. Having said that, what the hell is going on? How is this a joke? And why is Ferd'nand trying to farm in his back yard?

The Buckets 3/18/09

Do young children really care about Star Wars anymore? I think that's more of a phenomenon for young-adults.

I guess Star Wars is still getting exposure through the Cartoon Network show. Did you know that they played it during Adult Swim last weekend?



B.C. 3/18/09

The only joke I see in the 4 panels presented to me is that the bird's callsign is Dookie 1. Everything else is just filler to me.

Congrats for making it all the way through today's post. You win the prize of satisfaction, unless you hated everything I said. Then you are just weird, why did you read it all if you hated it?

New Poll

Dudes(or Ladies), there is a new poll about how much content you want each day. I suggest that if you vote on any poll this week, let it be this one. It will help me tailor what I do to what you want.

Remember: it's all for you.

Poll Results

Well, the people have spoken: Word of the Day is here to stay. At least until I run out of words that I know. I would like to know who thinks that they know every word that has ever been uttered in human history, I think that might be interesting. I am kind of disappointed that no one feels stupid because the main point of Word of the Day was to make all others feel inferior to my knowledge.

Fruit? No Thanks. I'll Stick to Fats and Sugars

Here we are again. Enjoy the day's post.

Lola 3/17/09
Hahaha! What a great joke! Only a stupid animal would eat fruit and nuts. Hahaha!

Well, except for the people that enjoy not getting colon cancer.

And hippies. But they really are stupid.



Cheap Thrills 3/17/09

Why would anyone thing to eat a poached egg in an avocado? Poached egg = gross. Avocado = okay. Poached egg inside an avocado = not cool at all.

Betty 3/17/09

I hope they're going to see a movie. A theater production involving skinless dead people would be very disturbing.

Also, that's a really long way to go for a joke about sunburn.

Ballard Street 3/17/09

I think the point of this panel is that you should never annoy Joyce because she'll stab you with a fork. I hope that's the point because there doesn't seem to be much of a punchline here.

And We're Back

Sorry about the layoff, I was too lazy over the last week to do anything. But, we are back in business now. And away we go.

Working It Out 3/16/09

Why are they in a RAB? What the hell is a RAB?

Oh, wait. Is it supposed to be BAR? That would make more sense.

What kind of crazy BAR has no tables?

Heathcliff 3/16/09Why is Heathcliff sitting on the Old Man's dick? That's a whole new level of sickness.

Girls & Sports 3/16/09

If you need Viagra and you're under the age of 60, then you don't really need Viagra.

And it's not performance-enhancing if you have a legitimate medical condition.

The Dinette Set 3/16/09

What are JARTS? I have no idea what's going on in the rest of the panel, but in the lower right corner, there is a drawer labeled "JARTS". Does anyone know what that could possibly be?

Brevity 3/16/09

What are they voting for? That could have tremendous influence over whose vote is needed. And not all insects would have the same views, seeing as how some of them are carnivorous and some are herbivorous. I highly doubt that Bulldog Ants have the same political affiliation as Butterflies.

The End of an Era (Kind of)

As you may have noticed, I haven't really been doing anything this week. I'm going to be honest and tell you it's because of my extreme laziness. The purpose of this post is to tell my loyal readers that I will be going on a short hiatus from the Blog of Comics and Other Stuff. I'll still do Marmaduke for the Masses, so if you like that you won't be disappointed.

See you next week.

A Post, A Post, My Kingdom for a Post

Wow, I've been lazy the last few days. Oh well. Here's a bunch of comics for you to not enjoy, with some commentary from me. You can enjoy that last bit, if you didn't then why did you come here?


Dinosaur Comics 3/10/09Forsooth, guys, don't you have something better to do? I mean, I don't, but you already knew that. You could go read Dinosaur Comics, it's great, plus there's a link over on the sidebar. Go ahead, click on it. But finish reading first.



Rudy Park 3/10/09
Who still likes Jessica Simpson? Yeah, she has big jugs, but she's so stupid and annoying that it makes it hard to care about the ginormous breasts.

Also, she can't sing very well and her songs suck.



Herb & Jamaal 3/10/09
Wow, insulting daytime talk shows. How original, Herb & Jamaal. What, you couldn't think of any "old people are old" jokes?



Girls & Sports 3/10/09
Isn't that kind of how it works anyway? Maybe you don't sign a contract, but the thought is there. And baseball isn't the sport I would use for this analogy. I'd go with football. NFL teams can dump any player at any time, but for the highest paid players they pay a price. That fits more with what relationships are like than baseball does.



Ferd'nand 3/10/09
What the hell kind of job is that? It must be something only rich people can afford.

It does raise a good question about how fat people get on a horse. I'm assuming they have a step or something.

I Am Not A Douchebag

Jump Start 3/6/09
Why is nobody ever happy where they are? It's too cold in Philadelphia, there's too much traffic in L.A. Maybe if everyone would stop thinking the grass is greener on the other side we could all get along and stop killing each other.



Arlo & Janis 3/6/09

?

How is seeing a cat like glimpsing a meteor? A cat is an animal that lives in your house, the only reason you wouldn't see it would be because you were blind.

Herb & Jamaal 3/6/09

How is this worth a full strip? This is one of the oldest observations in the world.

Incidentally, would anyone like to hire a hard-working, loyal person with no experience?

No? Damn, I guess I need experience to get the experience I need.

Do you see how lame that joke is? And that was printed all around the country.

Graffiti 3/6/09

And thinking that you're clever by taking a common phrase and making it sound even more stupid can make you look like a douchebag.

And just so you know, I realize that I am not clever. I am not, however, a douchebag.

Mostly I'm just an asshole.

Dudes, there is a new poll for you to vote on. Please vote on it, it helps me to understand what you want to see on the blog.

Oooh, Fancy

Epistaxis - bleeding from the nose.

COW NEED SPACE!

The Meaning of Lila 3/4/09 She must be really horrible if a priest is saying mean things to her. Although, if she were a prepubescent boy the priest would have had kinder words.

Like "would you rub your self on my genitals?"

Maybe those aren't kinder words after all.

Cow & Boy 3/4/09

I'm not sure what the hell is going on, but the last panel is fucking awesome.

Luann 3/4/09

I don't think that Luann counts in this competition. Would any high school student say no to a millionaire? I know I wouldn't, and I'm not even a high school student.

Candorville 3/4/09

If you ever see someone wearing a "Thug 4 Life" shirt, calling himself C-Dog, ask that man for relationship advice. Just trust me on this one; he knows what he is talking about.

Special note: this only applies if you don't want your relationship to last very long.


Rip Haywire 3/4/09

What is it that smokers aren't learning?

I am getting sick and tired of comic strips that have no punchline. Although they do provide me with something to do.

Can I Not Have What She's Having?

Episiotomy - a surgical incision into the perineum and vagina to prevent traumatic tearing during childbirth.

Plagiarism, Africa, and Non-Jokes. Oh My!

Rubes 3/3/09
Why do cartoonist still try to do Farside jokes? Can't Gary Larson sue or something? I mean, come on, it doesn't get any more blatant (that means obvious in case you were wondering) than this.



Secret Asian Man 3/3/09

Right. How would an old, black lady (presumably old, I don't know) be able to tell that a white guy was her relative? Wouldn't his family have left a really long time ago?

This story line is stupid.

Graffiti 3/3/09

I don't understand which premium is meant. The insurance premium? Premium booze? I think if you get caught driving drunk, they take away your license, so insurance doesn't seem like it would be a problem.

I totally agree with saving the premium booze though.

BC 3/3/09

Could someone please tell me what the punchline is. Seriously, if anyone out there could leave a comment that would help me understand this, it would be appreciated.

A Coughing Good Time

I bet you thought that I couldn't keep it up for 2 days. Well, screw you guys because here is another fantastic Word of the Day:


Hemoptysis - the action of coughing or spitting up blood or bloody sputum.

Did I Remind You to Remind Me to Remind You?

You only get one comic today.



Arlo & Janis 3/2/09
This is exactly how marriage works. Your wife tells you to remember things for her; she forgets what she told you that you had to remind her of, but she remembers that she told you to remember it for her. So she gets mad at you because you didn't remember something that she didn't remeber either. Confused yet? I know I am, and I'm the one that wrote all that. So, to summerize: wife makes you remember stuff for her and gets mad when you don't remember it. Why do people get married again?

The Triumphant Return

This is why you only get one comic: Word of the Day is back. My newer reader(do I have any new readers? Leave comments)may not know, but there was a feature relating to words that I have to learn. I didn't want any of the random internet people to miss out, so I posted a word everyday so that you could learn too. It fell into disuse for the last couple of months, but now it's back, and with that introduction:

Pancytopenia - an abnormal reduction in all the types of blood cells.


And just so you know, all definitions come straight from my brain, not a dictionary or any other reference.